Then.

Wundagore. The Citadel of the High Evolutionary.

Jessica Drew, the spectacular Spider-Woman, felt like shit. The wounds Dracula had left in her throat itched, despite healing quickly. The aches and pains of the fight with Chthon were still with her, though dulled.

And that wasn’t even counting the spiritual cost.

Clint Barton was dead. Maybe. Possibly. Nobody was sure. Which only made her feel worse. Was it relief because there was no body? A body would have been closure at least. But then he would be dead.

Maybe he wasn’t dead.

Obviously, he wasn’t dead.

Had to be.

Damn it.

She looked up as Darkhawk glided towards her across the snow-capped peaks. He touched down lightly on the balcony.

“Well?” she asked.

“No sign. If he’s down there, he’s not showing.” Darkhawk said harshly. “Maybe Morbius was lying-”

“Oh ye of little faith.” Michael Morbius, formerly Living Vampire, now once more a fully fledged member of the human race said, coming out onto the balcony. “Why should I lie, young man? What have I to gain?”

“I-” Darkhawk shook his head. “I don’t know. Something.”

“Nothing.” Spider-Woman said. “Death Adder is gone, Darkhawk.” She turned away from the balcony. “And we should be too.”

“A truer sentiment I have not heard.” Morbius said. “I will, of course, be coming with you?”

“So we can turn you over to the authorities? Damn straight.” Drew said as she stalked inside.

“That go for me too?” Shatterfist barked, swinging in front of Drew. He raised his fists. “I helped you! I-”

“Shut. Up.” Spider-Woman said flatly. Her fist shot out, cracking the criminal on the nose. Shatterfist fell backwards, eyes crossed. He hit the ground and lay still. Spider-Woman looked around. “Anyone else?”

Across the room, Halifax and the other New Men watched. Halifax turned back to his commander and gestured towards the Avengers.
“I must go with them.”

“Are you sure of this, young Sir Knight?” the wizened Lord Otheris asked. The man-sized otter put his hands on Halifax’s shoulders. “It will be dangerous.”

“Danger is a knight’s sworn course, milord.” Halifax rumbled. “They came to our aid and lost several of their number in the doing. The least repayment we can give is the service of one sword-mine.”

“So the Code states. You have much honor, good Knight.”

“So one hopes, your grace. So one hopes…” Halifax said softly. He turned back as Shatterfist’s unconscious form hit the ground. “Milady Drew?”

“Halifax.” Spider-Woman said, wringing her hand as she stepped over Shatterfist. “Have you found Dracula?”

“I regret not milady. He has retreated into the bowels of Wundagore, it seems. Though we have trackers aplenty, we have little experience with a creature so foul as that one.”

“But I do.” Morbius said. He looked at Spider-Woman. “I have fought Dracula before. And as I have sins most numerous to redeem-”

“You want to stay here?”

“If the Knights will grant me sanctuary.” Morbius said, looking at Lord Otheris. “I do not know whether my current condition is permanent or not, or merely the result of drinking Death Adder‘s tainted blood. If you turn me over to the authorities, they will simply incarcerate me like any human felon. And if I revert…” he trailed off and looked at Drew meaningfully. She frowned.

“It’d be a slaughter.”

“I would hardly be able to control myself. The Hunger is always strongest upon its first awakening. Here, however, I can take the proper precautions. Perhaps even study my former condition. Find a cure if it returns…” Morbius smiled. “And help the Knights hunt down Dracula in the process in return for their hospitality.”

“Well?” Drew looked at Otheris, who nodded gravely.

“We will provide sanctuary to Doctor Morbius, if he wishes it.”

“You can’t seriously-” Darkhawk began. Spider-Woman held up a hand.

“I can. I do. Fine, Doc. Stay here. Take this…” Spider-Woman handed Morbius an Avengers communi-card. “Stay in contact. Think of me as your parole officer. You go a week without contacting me, I’ll be back. And believe me, I will find you.” she said, pointing at him for emphasis.

“I believe you.”

“Good.” She looked at Halifax. “You wanted to say something, Sir Knight?”
“Indeed.” Halifax drew his sword and proffered it to Drew, hilt first. “I, Sir Halifax von Tagar, offer you my sword in service as repayment of the debt the Knights of Wundagore owe you.”

“I-” Spider-Woman blinked.

“I would accept, were I you.” Doctor Druid said, walking towards them. Howard the Duck and Aquarian were right beside him. Howard, cigar clutched in his beak, had a large, crimson gem and was tossing it from on hand to the other.

“What Baldy said. We ain’t sticking around to bail you chumps out and you look short on man-power.” Howard said. He looked at Shatterfist. “What happened to him?”
“Got on my nerves. You want him back?” Spider-Woman said. Howard laughed.
“Hell no! Soon as I get this doohickey Strange gave me working, me and the kid are gone.” Howard held up the stone, a ruby the size of his fist. “And I don’t need the dead weight.”

“What?” Shatterfist sat up, looking blearily at them. “You’re just gonna let them take me?”

“Yep.” Howard rolled the cigar around to the other side of his beak and fixed Shatterfist with a gimlet eye. “Go bye-bye, monkey. Crime doesn‘t pay and all that jazz.”

“What about the vampires?”

“What about them?” Howard said. Shatterfist blinked and clambered to his feet.
“What do you mean ‘what about them?’” Shatterfist took a step forward, fists raised. “You told me they had marked me!”

“I lied.” Howard said.

“You-”

“Lied. Yeah. Imagine that.” Howard laughed. “Bet you didn’t think ducks were so untrustworthy, hunh?”

“Why-”

“I needed a meat-shield. You were handy. Don’t need you anymore. Big-Daddy Fangs is somebody else‘s problem now. So buzz off. Ciao. Good-bye.” Howard said.

“Oh, that is it!” Shatterfist snarled. He leapt forward. “I’ve had enough of your shi-” He slammed face-first into an invisible wall and bounced backwards, smashing into Darkhawk, who grabbed him instinctively.

“Please Robert. Violence is not the answer.” Aquarian said, lowering his hand. He stood hovering five feet in the air, looking regal and at peace. “Howard is simply upset that Dracula escaped.”

“Good!” Shatterfist struggled against Darkhawk. “And he’ll be even more upset if I ever run across him in the street.” He pointed a gloved hand at Howard. “You hear me duck? You’re dead.”

“Man, you don’t know when to shut up do you?” Darkhawk said. The gem on his chest flared and Shatterfist found himself bound within a cube made of dark force. “She probably would have let you go, too.” he said, glancing at Spider-Woman.
Spider-Woman ignored him and looked at Halifax.

“You sure about this?” she said quietly. He smiled and nodded.

“I have long wanted to see the outside world. To test my sword against the worthy foes I have only seen in the Lord High Evolutionary’s files.”

“Welcome aboard, kitty-cat.” Spider-Woman said. She looked at Druid. “What about you, Doc?”

“Well, I am your ride home.” Druid said, stroking his beard. “Besides which, I owe it to Clint. I am the one who-”

“Forced us to come here? Forced us into fighting a god? Yeah. Yeah I’d say you owe us a good bit, Doc.” Darkhawk snapped. Druid looked at him, expression wounded.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Chris. I-”

“Save it. Can we get out of here?” Darkhawk looked at Spider-Woman. “Please?”

“Chris-” Spider-Woman said.

“You know what? Just save it. All of you.” Darkhawk crossed his arms. “Let’s go.”

Druid nodded stiffly and raised his arms, fingers curled. He began to chant in Gaelic and a light fog suddenly swirled around them. It obscured them completely in minutes, then, as a breeze blew the fog away, they were gone.

Howard waved a hand to disperse the fog and glanced at Aquarian.

“See? What’d I tell you? Dysfunctional.”

---

Now.

Iron-Man looked around the table. He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. “Hoookay. So we’re down to three.” He placed his palms on the conference table and leaned forward, jaw set.

“Five.”

“That remains to be-” Iron-Man began. Spider-Woman stared at him. “Fine. Fine! Five. We’re five. But we need to reorganize. Get our wind back. We’ll head home tonight. Back to LA. I’ve already sent Rick and Marlo back to the Compound-"

“Running home already?” a harsh voice interrupted. Stark turned, face darkening.

“I can’t get a break today, can I? Hello Spector.”

“Tony.” Moon Knight said, standing in the doorway. His cloak hung over him, shrouding his figure. The cloak rustled and a tiny form shot out, growing larger and larger until Janet van Dyne, the winsome Wasp stood in front of Stark.

“Jan? I thought-”

“We’re not going anywhere Tony. We’re staying right here.” Jan said, crossing her arms, face determined. Tony blinked.

“What? Why?”

“Ultron’s back. And he’s in San Francisco.”

---

Way, way, WAY back then.

The steaming jungles of Kush.

“Who are these guys and why are they trying to kill us?” Clint Barton, Hawkeye, barked. The brawny, dark haired barbarian running at his side snorted in laughter.
“Who can tell Archer? No fault of mine, I assure you!” Conan said.

“Right! And they just happened to be chasing you why?” Zelda Dubois, Princess Python, laughed bitterly. She clung to the neck of her cybernetic python, Glaucon, as the serpent slithered past Hawkeye and Conan. Conan eyed her askance and jabbed at the python with his sword.

“Keep your snake away, fire-hair, or I’ll lop its head off!”

“Raise one finger against my boopsie and I’ll-”

“Minds on peril! Minds on peril!” Hawkeye said. He threw himself aside as a long spear cleaved the air where his head had been. He rolled smoothly to his feet and fired a blunt headed shaft back the way they had come.

The explosion rocked the vine-haunted ruins the trio was in the process of fleeing through and screams of pain and fear rolled over them from the ranks of their pursuers. Conan glared at Hawkeye, wide-eyed.

“Crom! What was-”

“Magic arrow.” Hawkeye said. Conan nodded.

“Magic snake. Magic arrows. Do you have a magic way for us to get out of these god-blasted ruins Archer, or is there a limit to your abilities?”

“I-GEEZ!” Hawkeye spun as a lithe, dark-skinned figure leapt from the top of the wall above him and landed on his back, bearing him to the ground. Teeth sharpened with stone files snapped at his throat and an obsidian dagger sliced a portion of his mask away into a loose flap of material.

Conan snarled and swung his broad-bladed sword, taking the cannibal’s head off at the neck. “Off devil!”

“Look out!” Hawkeye pointed as a half dozen similar stunted, sharp-toothed men bounded towards them out of the shadows, the fading sunlight catching their swirling tattoos in weird eddies and glinted off the tips of their stone weapons. Conan bellowed and heaved into them, sword swinging with deadly accuracy. Hawkeye brought his bow around, cracking it against the skull of the closest of the cannibals as hands grabbed his legs and sought to yank him away from his companions.

“Oh no you don’t!” Princess Python hissed, gesturing with one elegant hand. Glaucon surged forward, titanium spines rising through his skin. Electricity spurted and crackled around him as he slithered amongst their attackers.

The stink of burnt skin filled the air and abruptly, the cannibals retreated, fleeing back into the ruins. Glaucon returned to Zelda and wrapped himself around her slender form, tongue flicking in satisfaction. Conan yanked Hawkeye to his feet.

“Snake is handy.”

“More so than either of you.” Zelda said.

“Yes. Thank you. I’m fine.” Hawkeye said. “Don’t mind me.” He fixed an eye on Conan. “Want to explain why they were chasing us now?”

“No.” Conan grunted, sheathing his sword and stalking off. Hawkeye and Zelda shared a look and Glaucon slithered up in front of the Cimmerian, with a hiss.

“Yes.” Hawkeye said.

“Fine.” Conan spun in place, sword sliding out of its sheath and darting for Hawkeye’s heart. “We’ll talk…over your corpse, archer!”

---

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

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Next issue: The hunt for Hank Pym begins as the Whackos begin to clean up San Francisco! Meanwhile, Pym has problems of his own as Ultron goes toe-to-toe with the Emissaries of Evil and he’s caught in the middle! Plus, more Hyborian hi-jinks with Hawkeye, Princess Python and Conan in ’FOG CITY SHUFFLE’!

 

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