Stygia.

“Ah!” Thoth-Amon barked as the scrying orb he’d been viewing exploded suddenly. “By the scales of Set!”

“Looks like your circuit breaker done gone and blowed up,” the Dwarf cackled, clapping pudgy hands. Clad in ragged black robes, all that could be seen of the demon’s face was a pair of crimson eyes and a wide, white-toothed smile. “What happened?”

“Something,” Thoth-Amon said, examining his bloody fingers. The Dwarf grunted.

“Something?”

“I don’t know,” the high priest of Set said. “Mind your tone, child of Chthon.”

“Don’t get defensive on me now, Priest of Set.” The Dwarf pointed a finger at his opposite number. “Are they dead?”

“Not that I could see.”

“Then we have a problem, don’t we?” The Dwarf turned, looking up at the unconscious form of Rama-Tut, strung up by his arms on a makeshift cross. “Use the Stone.”

“No,” Thoth-Amon said, absently stroking the ruby on the ring he wore. The Dwarf turned.

“No?”

“No. It is not yet time.”

“Time? Time for what?” the Dwarf hissed. “I knew I should have sought out Kulan-Gath-”

“Gath is a blithering ass,” Thoth-Amon said. “He would have seen you as a threat to his power. I, however, know your purpose is only to return to your proper era, in order to more fully serve Chthon. Which is why he-” He gestured at Rama-Tut. “Is still alive.”

“Which is why we need the other part of that stone!” the Dwarf said. “Now go and get it for me!”

“Why should I do that, when they will simply bring it here, to us?” Thoth-Amon laughed lightly and spread his arms. “And when they arrive, the children of Set will eat their bones and we will pluck the Stone from their ragged remnants!”

---

Meroe.

Hawkeye lunged, jamming the arrows he held clutched in his fists into the snake-thing’s eyes. It shrieked and reared back, tail lashing, cracking the tiles on the floor. Hawkeye flipped out of the way, even as Princess Python gestured.

“Glaucon.”

The augmented python slithered forward, coiling up and around its demonic ‘cousin’, squeezing it and electrifying it in the same twitch of muscle. The creature screamed as smoke boiled off of it. Zelda turned and smiled at Clint.

“You’re looking well.”

“And you look-ah-well-scary,” Hawkeye said. He tapped his forehead. “That’s new.”

“Not really. But I take your meaning,” she said, turning back as the second of the snake beasts slid towards them, struggling with the Sphinx. Hawkeye jumped aside as they rolled past.

“Where’d you find him?”

“I didn’t. The Stone did.” Princess Python extended her arm and clenched her fist. Red lightning tore from her fingers, striking the beast that Conan and Red Sonja battled-the creature that had once been the merchant Nybastes-and illuminating it inside out. It toppled, bloody froth and mist streaming from its pores and orifices. Conan whirled, glaring at her.

“If you think I’ll thank you for that, wench, I’ll-”

“You’re welcome,” Zelda said. She staggered, clutching her head. Conan leapt forward, catching her.

“Crom! Are you-”

“It’s tiring…” Zelda said softly.

“Ha! Not so much of a witch then, eh?” Sonja barked, snagging her sword up out of Nybastes’ charred form and gesturing. “Hold her while I cut that gem out of her, Cimmerian. We’ll split the profits.”

“Wow. There’s a one track mind if I ever saw one,” Hawkeye said. Red Sonja snarled and swung her sword towards him, but he batted it aside with his bow. “Careful with that. People will talk.”

“You-”

“I require aid,” the Sphinx said, ramming the skull of his opponent into the floor. “Without my Ka Stone, I lack the strength necessary to defeACK!” A serpentine tail wrapped around his throat and hurled him away. Red Sonja reacted instinctively, leaping over the hurtling body of the Sphinx and driving her sword point-first through the serpent-man’s head. Pinned to the floor, it thrashed wildly. Sonja jumped back, cursing.

“Cimmerian! Help me!”

“I got it,” Hawkeye said. “Eight-ball, corner pocket, coming up.” Swiftly, he fired an arrow into the creature’s wide open eye, sinking it into the brain behind. The snake-thing shuddered, then went still. Hawkeye let loose a breath. “One more, kids.”

“Not likely,” Conan said, setting Zelda back onto her feet. “The witch’s pet has done for it.” Hawkeye turned and saw that Conan spoke the truth. Glaucon slowly unwound from around the crushed and fried corpse of the third serpent man and slithered towards his mistress. She rubbed its blunt skull and looked around. Then, her gaze turned towards the Sphinx.

“Egypt was not as you expected it, was it, Anath-Na-Mut?”

“An understatement if I’ve ever heard one, woman,” the Sphinx said. “It was a land of sorcery, aye, even in my day. But there was order there. But here, in this time, something as old as blood and death rules my home…”

“Set,” Conan said, the word coming out like a curse. “And the head snake is a dog named-”

“Thoth-Amon,” Princess Python said, rubbing the stone that peeked from her flesh. “I can hear his thoughts, dim and distant, at the edges of my mind. He holds the other Stone.”

“Wait. Whoa. Hold up. ‘Other Stone’?” Hawkeye raised his hand. “Are we talking another Ka Stone? Really? Cause that would be bad.”

“Define ‘bad’, mortal,” the Sphinx said, crossing his arms. “The presence of a second stone is why I and my partner chose this particular branch of time’s river…”

“Partner?” Hawkeye said.

The Sphinx smiled. “Rama-Tut. The Last Pharaoh.”

---

Stygia.

Rama-Tut awoke to the sensation of pain. His eyes shot wide, then closed reflexively as a groan slipped his lips. Gingerly, muscles aching, he tested his bonds.

“Useless, pilgrim of other days,” Thoth-Amon murmured, looking up at him. Tut grimaced.

“While I live, I strive,” he said, his voice rusty. Thoth-Amon nodded, as if it had never occurred to him that it might be otherwise.

“As all men do. Your ally is coming for you.”

“Really?” Tut felt a momentary surprise. The high priest of Set smiled.

“Loyalty is a rare commodity. As is the ability to travel through time.”

“Yes,” Tut said, licking his bloody lips. His eyes narrowed. Thoth-Amon returned his gaze, as placid as a snake that had just swallowed a mouse.

“You can do it?”

“Travel through time? Yes. You could say that.” Rama-Tut twisted his head. “Where is your diminutive ally?”

“Otherwise occupied, preparing a reception for yours.” Thoth-Amon held up a hand, the ruby on his finger flashing. “Why did you want these gems?”

“Power.”

“To travel through time?”

“To remake time. To seal it off.”

“Seal it-” Thoth-Amon hesitated. “Why?”

“A war. A war in between moments, spreading across diverse shadows of time,” Rama-Tut said. He laughed. “I sought to escape it, to carve for myself a hidden kingdom in the time before recorded time.”

“And your ally?”

“The same, though for different reasons. Instead…”

“Yes. Instead.” Thoth-Amon lowered his hand and gazed at the gem thoughtfully. “I can feel it. In my head. Such power, such…” he trailed off. “With two, one could alter all of reality to suit any whim, yes?”

“You already know that.”

“I only know what the Dwarf has told me.”

“Yes, funny that,” Rama-Tut said. “I know little of occult matters, but I was always under the impression that the Elder Gods did not get along well.”

“Impressions are often correct. Dominance is the hunger that all gods are prey to, Elder or otherwise,” Thoth-Amon said idly. “Set wishes to rule here, as does Chthon, Gaea, others.”

“Yet you still trust the Dwarf.”

“Don’t be silly. Thoth-Amon trusts no one.” The priest looked up, frowning. “The Dwarf wishes to return to his own place and time. Like many creatures of his ilk, he lives in the moment, and when he is taken from that moment, he grows wretched.”

“Which is why I still live,” Rama-Tut said. Thoth-Amon shook his head.

“No. You live, because I may have need of you.” Thoth-Amon fell silent. Then, “I have never thought in terms of past or future, really. Merely in terms of my own benefit. But when opportunity falls in one’s lap, one must take it, yes?”

“It depends on the opportunity,” Tut said.

Thoth-Amon smiled.

---

Meroe.

“Hunh. Didn’t see that one coming.” Hawkeye said, rubbing his chin.“Probably should have though. You both have that Egyptian theme going. Bad guys love themes.”

“We do, it’s true,” Princess Python said, stroking Glaucon’s head. “Serpent Society, Zodiac, the Wrecking Crew.”

“Do you follow their meaning, Cimmerian?” Sonja said. Conan shrugged.

“Meaningless babble. I’m for the nearest tavern.”

“Without the stone?”

“If you want to pry it out of the witch’s head, you can attempt it on your own. I’m weary, my throat is parched and I have no love of magic.” Conan waved a hand and headed for the door.

“You know, he did say there was a second stone. A bigger stone, right Zelda?” Hawkeye said. She hesitated, then nodded.

“Quite a bit larger.”

Conan paused, then turned. Stroking his chin, he swept his gaze over them. “Larger, you say? And your intent is to…what? Steal it from under Thoth-Amon’s very nose?”

“Madness,” Red Sonja said, but she was smiling slightly. “Glorious madness.”

“Aye, my thoughts exactly.” Conan slapped a hand to his sword hilt. “Divided five ways?”

“Divided-” the Sphinx began, his eyes blazing. Zelda raised a hand.

“To decide before we have it in hand is foolish. First, we must find it and take it away from its current owner.”

Hawkeye looked at her, considering. She had changed in the time since she had disappeared. Or maybe it was simply more evident now than before. Become better than before. Power did that to you, he mused.

“So this-ah-Thoth-Amon took the other Ka-Stone from you?” he said, addressing the Sphinx.

“He, and one other.”

“Short guy, natty suit, greased-back hair?” Hawkeye said, gesturing. The Sphinx blinked.

“If you mean a dwarf, aye.”

“Ha. Knew it. That sound familiar, Z?” Hawkeye looked at Zelda. She frowned.

“That creature from before? At Mount Wundagore?”

“Yep.” Hawkeye twirled his bow. “Figures. Probably why we wound up here. Got caught up in his wake.” He frowned. “Guess he wants to go home too. Which means, on top of everything else, we’ve got to stop him.”

“Easy enough.” Red Sonja drew her sword and leaned forward on the hilt. “A dwarf dies as easily as another man.”

“Ain’t exactly a man, is he?” Hawkeye said. He chewed his lower lip, looking around. “They got to know we’re coming.”

“And so?” Conan said. “We have the witch, and this…creature,” he said, gesturing at the Sphinx. “I have faced the sorcerer before.”

“Good to know.” Hawkeye looked at Zelda. “Think you can hoo-doo us to the location of the other stone. Direct line, no waiting?”

“I-” Zelda paused, then nodded. “Yes. I can hear it. Calling to me. They want to be one again.”

“Ho-kay,” Hawkeye shook his head. He met the Sphinx’s gaze. “You going to play nice?”

“My Stone aside, I have little love for the abominations festering in the heart of my homeland.” The Sphinx crossed his arms, eyes glowing red. “They must pay for their perfidy.”

“Good enough.” Hawkeye turned, looking at Conan and Red Sonja. “I promised you that Stone, big guy. Guess we get to see whether I can deliver, hunh?”

Conan smirked. Red Sonja laughed and raised her sword. “Where Thoth-Amon lurks, there will be much wealth. The old serpent ever did gild his lair.”

“Guess that answers that.” Hawkeye readied his bow. “Zelda, if you please.”

---

Stygia.

The Dwarf twitched in his robes, something hard and sharp shifting beneath his pasty skin. He was one of the first born of the N’Garai, and had worn his diminutive shape for centuries upon centuries.

Just not these centuries.

Time scratched against him, hemming him in, trying to force him into his proper shape. Demons lived in the moment, and when the moment was wrong, the consequences were, at the very least, uncomfortable.

He clenched pudgy hands and leaned forward against the balcony. Below, temple guards swarmed this way and that, clutching gilded spears. They were soft, those men. Unprepared for what was coming.

“Indolent as summer snakes,” he said softly.

Behind him, something hissed. The Dwarf turned and grimaced, unable to keep his distaste hidden.

“Yes, that was an insult. No, I won’t watch my tongue.” He stalked towards the shadowy shapes, his form growing larger with every step. Talons scratched stone and a tail made of sharpened vertebrae lashed the air. “I am the first born of Chthon, grandchildren of Set. I, for lack of a better word, outrank you.”

The N’Garai stretched its wings and threw off the now ill-fitting robes.

“You will do as I command or you will face my wrath, bellycrawlers.” He flexed his talons. “Now, prepare for their arriva-”

WHOOM.

Crimson lightning slammed down upon the temple of Set, cracking pillars and toppling columns. Men screamed and fled. The Dwarf whirled, yellow fangs bared.

“What? Why didn’t I sense them?”

“Must be our lucky day,” Hawkeye said, dropping lightly to the balcony, arrow aimed and ready. Rising to his feet he released the arrow and it slammed into the Dwarf’s chest, exploding. The N’Garai pitched backwards, screeching. Behind Hawkeye, Conan and the others dropped to the ground. Princess Python hovered overhead, wrapped within the coils of a great serpent made of red energy. Hawkeye looked at his companions, then back at the Dwarf.

“Avengers Assemble.”

With a roar, Conan and Red Sonja darted forward to engage the temple guards swarming onto the balcony. The Sphinx, for his part, launched himself at the hideously alien shape of the N’Garai, screaming curses in Egyptian.

“How you doing, Z?” Hawkeye said, firing an arrow into the throat of a guardsman about to drive his spear into Conan.

“It’s-I’m tired,” she said. Glaucon clung to her, nuzzling her comfortingly. She gestured, the stone on her head flashed and the great red snake’s blunt head crashed into the temple again, fanged maw opening to devour men by the dozens.

“Did you just-”

“They’re not dead. I just removed them from our path,” she said. “They aren’t evil, Barton. Just misguided.”

“They worship an evil snake god!”

“Yes…I always thought a goddess made more sense,” Princess Python said. She flung her arms back and the serpent’s tale sheared through a series of pillars. The temple shuddered.

Elsewhere, deep in its bowels, Thoth-Amon laughed. It had been easy enough to use his new trinket to dull the Favored of Chthon’s senses. Now, he had but to wait until the beast was weakened and he could rid Set’s holy place of its foul presence.

“And then, my friend, you will help me make a pilgrimage no man has ever dared make,” he said, looking up at Rama-Tut. “I will use these stones to find the face of my god…to find his power…and I will raise myself to undreamt heights!” The sorcerer cackled, stretching his arms towards the heavens.

“Clever,” Rama-Tut grunted. Thoth-Amon turned.

“I sense you mean otherwise.”

“You’re like a child, grasping at new toys. You might be the smartest primitive in the room, my friend, but you are still a primitive,” Tut said, smiling through busted lips. “You are afraid to use one stone…what then two?”

Thoth-Amon gestured and energy rippled from his hand, striking Rama-Tut, causing him to writhe in agony.

“Silence!”

Above, the Dwarf grabbed the Sphinx’s throat and began to strangle the immortal. “Give it up, priest,” the N’Garai gurgled. The demon’s bony tail wrapped around the Sphinx’s chest and began to squeeze.

“I think not,” the Sphinx wheezed, driving his fist down into the demon’s face, shattering teeth. “You are strong, but I have battled gods.”

“The N’Garai were before gods, little man, before heaven or hell!”

“That simply means you know nothing of their strength!” The Sphinx grabbed the N’Garai and slammed it down, driving it through the floor with a roar of crumbling stone. Man and beast fell in a cloud of debris.

“Zelda, where’s our second stone?” Hawkeye barked, cracking a guardsman across the jaw. Princess Python pointed.

“Straight down.”

“Then down we go,” Conan said, spitting a guard in the gut. He grabbed Sonja’s arm and whirled her towards the hole the Sphinx and the Dwarf had made. “After you, woman.”

“Touch me again, Cimmerian, and I and the witch won’t be the only women here!” Sonja said, diving smoothly through the gap in the floor. Hawkeye and Conan followed as the energy serpent’s tail swept over the balcony, sending the surviving guardsmen…elsewhere.

Down below, Thoth-Amon looked up as the ceiling of the central temple cracked and shattered into a deadly rain of jagged stone. Summoning a magical shield, he protected himself and Rama-Tut. The Sphinx and the Dwarf tumbled to the floor, falling several feet apart.

Thoth-Amon grunted. “I thought you dead, man of Stygia-that-will-be.”

“Better men than you have thought that, usurper,” the Sphinx said, clambering to his feet. “Now, give me what is mine!”

“Yes, give it to him!” the Dwarf cried, bounding forward to wrap long arms around the Sphinx, binding him tight. “Send him back to his beast-headed gods, Thoth-Amon!”

“Tempting. But, I think not,” Thoth-Amon replied. He gestured, and crimson fire arrowed from his ring, curling around the Sphinx and striking the Dwarf. The N’Garai staggered back, wreathed in fire, howling. “You have led what I seek to me, N’Garai. I thank you for your service and now grant you what you wished…I send you home. Post haste.”

The Dwarf screeched, clawing for Thoth-Amon, his form crumbling to purple and black ash as he staggered forward. Then, finally, he was nothing but dust on the wind. Thoth-Amon shuddered in pleasure. He looked up at Rama-Tut.

“You were right, pilgrim. I feared the power of this stone. Feared that it might consume me ere I employed it against that foul imp. But now, now I see that there was nothing to fear at all…”

“Give me the stone!” the Sphinx bellowed, charging through the swirling ash cloud that was all that remained of the Dwarf. Thoth-Amon flicked his fingers and the Sphinx froze, his body becoming inanimate sandstone.

“No,” Thoth-Amon said. He looked up. “Come to me woman. I can feel you scrabbling around my head. Come and give me what is now mine by right.”

“If you mean an arrow to the kisser, sure. I think we can oblige,” Hawkeye said, firing an arrow as he leapt to the floor below. His shaft sped towards the sorcerer-priest even as Hawkeye hit the ground and rolled to his feet, fingers reaching for another. Thoth-Amon waved a hand and the arrow crumbled to dust inches from his face.

“Fool,” he said. “Capering dunce.”

“Distraction,” Conan said, ramming his sword through the sorcerer’s back and up through his sternum. Thoth-Amon gasped as he was lifted from his feet.

“C-Cimmerian,” he hissed. Red sparks popped and Conan stumbled back, leaving his sword in place. Thoth-Amon turned, off balance and the floor heaved, exploding upwards into hundreds of serpents, which clung to the warrior, eliciting a bellow of surprise.

“Not only him,” Red Sonja said, lunging forward, driving her own blade through Thoth-Amon’s side, its edge scraping across that of Conan’s with a shriek of steel. Thoth-Amon staggered forward, eyes wide. A sudden wind whipped through the temple, dragging sonja from her feet and hurling her backwards with bonecrushing force.

Before she could connect with the wall, Hawkeye leapt forward, interposing himself. They fell in a tangle.

“Gnats. Mites.” Thoth-Amon yanked at the swords impaling him. “I have more power now than I have ever dreamed. I will erase you from existence…”

“No. You won’t,” Princess Python said descending from the ceiling, enshrouded in the form of her flickering titan serpent. Thoth-Amon stared up at her, smiling.

“Here at last.”

“Here to stay.” Zelda extended a hand. “You have something that belongs to me.”

“I was about to say the same of you,” Thoth-Amon said. The swords clattered away from him, bloodless. His form stretched and twisted. “You clutch the rightful property of Set himself to your bosom, woman. Give it to me, and I shall let you live.”

“The stone belongs with those whom it chooses. I do not think it has chosen you,” she said, her eyes glowing. “That is why it frightens you. That is why you wear it on a ring, instead of close to your flesh, your essence. It is not a part of you. It will not be a part of you.”

“I-” Thoth-Amon began. He hesitated. Then, without warning, lunged, his flesh changing, becoming hard scale, his shape became sinuous and massive. In a flash of lightning, two titanic serpents crashed against one another, one red, one green.

Hawkeye watched for a moment, then, a poinard he had picked up in Meroe in hand, he rushed towards Rama-Tut.

“Got any advice?” Hawkeye asked, cutting the time-lord down.

“Stay out of the way,” Rama-Tut said.

“Good advice.”

The room shuddered as time and reality seemed to pull tight and rebound around the struggling serpents. The walls turned to dust, to diamond, to sagging jungle ruin and back again. Two minds strove against one another, one as old as civilization, the other only newly prepared for such a conflict.

Zelda cried out as the stone in her skull wiggled and squirmed. Thoth-Amon roared in triumph…was he not the hand of Set on Earth? Was not ultimate power his destiny?

In a word, no.

Conan, shaking off the snakes, snatched his sword up and hurled himself towards the writhing bodies. Ape-like, he climbed the shape of Thoth-Amon, and reaching his broad skull, raised his sword over his head, point down. Then, with a bloody oath, he drove the length of sharpened steel down with all of his might.

There was a massive thunderclap and then…nothing.

Sometime later, the Cimmerian awoke with a groan. Hawkeye reached out a hand and helped him to his feet.

“Still in one piece?”

“No thanks to you, archer,” Conan said. “Where-”

“Here,” Red Sonja said, crouching over a crumbled and smoldering shape. “It looks like the old snake is dead at last.”

“Doubtful,” Conan said. “Sorcerers live where other men would be but bad memories, more’s the pity.” He looked around. Princess Python sat on the throne that had formerly belonged to Thoth-Amon, the gem on her forehead complimented by a second in her hand. “Witches as well.”

“I heard that.”

“Hear this as well, then. My stone?” the Sphinx, organic once more, thanks to Zelda, said. He stood a little ways from the throne, beside Rama-Tut.

“Of course,” she said, opening her hands.

“Are you sure that’s a good-” Hawkeye began, but fell silent as Rama-Tut raised a finger to his lips.

The Ka Stone floated towards the Sphinx almost eagerly. A red light suffused his being and then faded as he laughed. Flexing his arms, he looked around. “Now, now I will do what I came here to do. I will-”

“Do nothing,” Zelda said, softly. Hawkeye tensed, as did Conan and Sonja. The Sphinx cocked his head.

“Eh?”

She tapped her head. “I beat you once. I can do so again, if you press me, Anath-Na-Mut.”

“What do you propose then? That we leave? Go home?” the Sphinx said. Rama-Tut laughed.

“What would be the sense in that?” He looked at Conan and Red Sonja. “I understand you are both mercenaries…how would you like to be generals, instead?”

“Generals?” Sonja looked at Conan. “We’ve both done that more than once before.” She looked at Zelda. “What are you planning, witch?”

“First, ‘red’, stop calling me witch,” Zelda said, rising from the throne. Glaucon rose up beside her, eyeing the others. She smiled and looked at Hawkeye. “Lemonade out of lemons.”

“Oh no,” Hawkeye muttered, rubbing his hands through his hair. He could feel a migraine coming on.

“A partnership sums it up best, I think.” Rama-Tut stroked his beard. “This kingdom now lacks its central authority figure and…well, any connection to its noxious god. Political and religious upheaval, leading to…well,” he said, spreading his hands.

“I’ve always been nothing. I think I’ll like being a goddess for a change,” Zelda said. “If Thor does it, how hard can it be?”

“A country ripe for change, then,” the Sphinx said. He smiled slowly. “I do sometimes miss being a high priest…”

“It isn’t every day that we have a goddess at our backs, eh?” Conan said, nudging Red Sonja, who smirked.

“It would be a nice change of pace.”

“So what…pharaoh, high priest and goddess and you two will be what? Generals?” Hawkeye looked around. “Man, this is going to wind up being my fault isn’t it?”

“Relax. It’s not like this is your reality, Barton,” Rama-Tut said. He paused. “Well, not anymore.”

“Yeah. Great. Hyborian Avengers assemble.” Hawkeye sat down on the throne and rested his chin on his hand. “Man, I really want to go home…”

---

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

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Next issue: The Kang/Ultron War is over, but the fall-out is yet to come! Be here in thirty for the beginning of what may be the swansong for the Whackos…’FUNERAL FOR AN ANT’!

 

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