Issue #2
"UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER"
by Brad Horton
Captain Marvel
Rick Jones
Marlo Chandler
The Microverse, the space ship Hobbleschmek, to be exact...
Genis, Captain Marvel, raises his hands, trying to get the attention of the Hobbleschmek crew brandishing their weapons -- set to vaporize.
"Okay, let's try and settle this like civilized--"
*ZAP*
Genis opens his eyes and sees a large hole burnt into the floor, just inches from his toes. "--trigger happy freaks?"
"Pouj ju!" the red alien female screams. The other red aliens cackle in delight.
"Um....okay, let's try a different approach--" Genis begins.
"Ou huj foru juk!" the captain yells.
*ZAPZAPZAP*
"Ungh!" Genis is forced through a metallic wall from the blasts. He immediately gets up, with his Nega-Bands charged with energy.
"Oooo....you alright there, Marv?" Rick Jones asks.
"It stung, but didn't burn...which is good," Genis responds. He generates a beam of pure photonic force at the aliens, destroying their guns. Then with faster-than-light speed, Captain Marvel knocks out the crew, mimicking a boxer.
"Adrienne!" Genis yells, deepening his voice while jumping up and down with his arms raised.
"Um, don't celebrate yet, Sly."
As the alien female captain attempts to stab Genis in the back -- literally -- Genis grabs her hand and forces her to drop the energy knife.
"Uh yut op jut!" the captain spits.
"Bite me," Genis says through clenched teeth. Suddenly, the "space field" within Genis' skin and costume becomes agitated and lights up. "Ah," Genis grunts as he drops the captain on her arse.
"Yo? Gen? What is it?" Rick asks.
Genis' hands rush to his temples, "I see....people....dying........"
"L.A.?"
"No....they look......alien......not from our solar system........not from our universe, even.....some giant orange guy is terrorizing them," Genis responds. "Drozit, I didn't think my cosmic awareness would work here in the Microverse...."
Rick sighs, "Help them. I'll...think of something..."
Genis opens an escape hatch, flying out into Microspace, "Sorry...I'll try to hurry!"
Los Angeles, aboard one of the Mig-Na'cha spacepods...
Rick forces a smile, "Don't worry...I'm not entirely helpless..." Rick concentrates as veins bulge on his temples, activating his innate psionic talent. The slimy tentacles binding him to the examining table begin to glow slightly, slowly easing up. Rick smiles as he pulls his hands out. He immediately unhitches his ankles and heads for an exit.
Rick bumps into a Mig-Na'cha drone. The drone clicks in its alien language, charging its energy weapon.
Rick raises his eyebrow, "Oh, like I care about that!" Rick slugs the alien in the head, then rips off the appendage the energy weapon is grown into.
Three drones suddenly appear in the room. Rick responds by activating the energy weapon in the detached arm he's holding. The drones are turned into puddles of slimy mucus.
{{"The specimen is free! It must be captured for further experimentation!"}} the automated alarm yells.
"Wait...why is that thing in English?" Rick wonders aloud. He simply blasts the blinking red light on the alien computer.
{{"*tick tick tick tick tkt* *tkt* *tkttkt*"}}
"Hm, I think I found the translator," Rick says to himself. A dozen drones storm the exam room and begin blasting at Rick. "Aw Jeez....," Rick yelps as he frantically dodges the blasts. Rick takes a hit to the shoulder and scurries into a corner of the room. The wall seems to burp. "Eww...icky aliens."
"Aw, we're not that bad," Genis says.
"Yeah, the Kree are always trying to keep the friggin' peace!" Rick shouts. "Don't get me started on the Titanians..."
"What's wrong with them? My mother was a Titanian! Don't be talking about my mother in those tones, Rick!"
"Elysius was different, Marv. Then again, she almost helped Thanos cause another cosmic ruckus...," Rick speculates.
"Dang it, shut up! You don't even know your real parents!"
"Don't remind me," Rick says, peering out of the corner. The drones are advancing. "So, Genis...kill any giants lately?"
"Patience, grasshopper."
Elsewhere...
Marlo Jones, Rick's wife, waits in her own personal bubble of sorts, covered with slime. Marlo notices the other LA citizens trapped in similar bubbles. Oh man...Lorraine...where are you?
"Okay," Lorraine begins, passing through a wall, "your hubby is in some room with a bunch of the giant bugs. They're blasting him and stuff."
"Oh God!" Marlo shouts.
The other citizens shoot her a glance.
"Crazy celebs," one woman in a leather jacket and torn jeans mutters. "How does it feel to be on the same end as us? Huh?"
"Yeah, did they get you in the middle of rehab?" a man with an oily red shirt and dirty khakis pants retorts.
"Oh, go take a shower, garbage man," Marlo shouts. "I can smell the Old Spice all the way over here!"
"Want me to spook him?" Lorraine asks.
"You'd do that for me?" Marlo asks, grateful.
"Stop talking to yourself!" the man shouts.
"Sure. I think I slept with that jerk before, now that I think about it. Should be a hoot," Lorraine says, lighting up what appears to be a cigarette. She exhales smoke, "I hate being dead. Do you think ghosts can do it?"
"Um...it?" Marlo wonders.
"You know," Lorraine says, performing the universal gesture for doing IT.
"Shaddap!" the same man shouts. "Wait, lemme guess...you see dead people...all the time?"
Marlo sighs, "Lorraine..."
"Reporting for duty, Ms. Marlo. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.....," Lorraine says as she inches towards the Old Spice user's bubble.
"Hey...what the....AHHHH!!!!! Someone just gave me a wedgy!" the khakis man yells, banging against the walls of his slime bubble.
"Now who's crazy?" Marlo asks with a smirk.
The other citizens begin to point and laugh at the man as he squirms, trying to get the underwear out of his crack. He squeaks in a high voice, "Guess I can forget about children..."
"Oh," Marlo says with a smile, flinging her hand forward. "Our poor gene pool!"
Lorraine and Marlo attempt to high-five, but Marlo passes through her and just falls over. The citizens laugh again.
"I hate my life," Marlo mutters. She runs her fingers through her hair and flicks the slime that accumulated in them. "Could there BE any more slime? Remind me to remind the aliens they didn't put enough in my bubble."
"Yeah, your life looks pretty sucky from my angle, too," Lorraine says, taking a drag of her cigarette.
"I am gonna kick some alien booty when I get out of here," Marlo declares, shaking her fist in the air.
"Dude, shut up!" another citizen, a black man with an orange shirt and brown courteroys yells. "Your porn flicks sucked!"
"You shut up--whaddaya mean they sucked?! Porn is porn! What are you, retarded?" Marlo yells.
"Actually, I do have a slight mental disorder, you bigot!"
"No, I'm not racist...although I don't like critics who don't back up their opinions," Marlo responds. "So Mr. Expert, why did my adult film career...um...suck?"
"There wasn't enough sucking, that's why!" the black man yells, cheering as if the others thought what he said was cool. Lorraine steps into his bubble and gives him a sharp nipple-twist. "AH! What the frick?! My nips!"
"Anyone else have an opinion about me?" Marlo asks. The silence answers in the affirmative.
Elsewhere still...
A dignified Mig-Na'cha sits on an organic chair of sorts, sitting before a monitor with two guardian drones on either side of him. "I am Jukas, Ambassador to the Queen of the Mig-Na'cha."
The United Nations Security Council is shown on the monitor. One of them speaks, {{"We are not prepared to negotiate with extraterrestrial terrorists--"}}
"Let me finish, terran! My troops have captured the populace of Los Angeles, if you want them alive, you will allow our race to colonize your planet. About 75% of your orb is covered with a hydrogen-oxygen compound...you can't possibly habituate yourselves in that, can you?"
{{"Neither can you, we'd assume. We can't just slide over so you can invade our planet! We have overpopulation issues all over and can't cope with even more diversity. Take our word for it, Earth is very diverse...and that can cause some problems."}}
Jukas appears to smile, "How would you like to lose millions of your race in an instant? Keep in mind allegiances to nation-states do not matter when it comes to an entire planet's sovereignty. The Mig-Na'cha have studied your political structure for years. Since no one party controls your planet, taking it over would be quite easy. We are giving you the option of friendly coexistence..."
{{"We have trouble on our own dealing with coexistence--"}}
"You bore me, terrans. I shall give you one hour to make your decision."
The Microverse, the planet Lohup...
"This is the way we smash the Lohupians, smash the Lohupians, smash the Lohupians," a giant orange creature sings while he stamps the crap out of a quaint village.
Genis rockets through the atmosphere of the planet with a mission, to kick this giant's ass. Not so much for his pointless attack on the Lohupians, but because this overgrown idiot is preventing Genis from saving Los Angeles from the Mig-Na'cha.
"HEY!" Captain Marvel shouts, his Nega-Bands and star symbol on his chest beaming with yellow light. "Pick on someone in your own species, you orange bastard!"
"Wait," the giant says, stopping his pointless rampage on the Lohupians. "You're not a Lohupian."
Genis pretends to play dumb, "Wait...you're not Gary Coleman. Damn it, I wanted his autograph...but you're preventing me from being in Los Angeles, so that autograph is on hold!"
"My name is Gorod. What am I doing wrong?" the giant asks. "I just want to play with the Lohupians!"
"No he doesn't!" a shout from the village yells.
"Quiet, puny Lohupian, or I'll smash you into oblivion with my massive foot of destruction," the giant bellows.
"Massive foot of destruction? You named a part of your body!? Drozit...!" Genis exclaims, delivering a stiff right hand to the Gorod's jaw, causing him to stagger a couple feet.
"Well, I named Marlo's breas--"
"Shut up, Rick!" Genis yells, getting angrier and angrier, punching the giant harder and harder. Captain Marvel finally has enough and delivers two photon blasts to the Gorod's eyes, causing him to fall...over the village. Genis sighs, "Why can't this be easy? Did my dad have to deal with this?"
"Probably not--"
"Shut your mouth!" Genis zips above the village and hovers in mid-flight to prepare to deflect the falling Gorod away from the village.
"I was only talkin' 'bout Shaft. Heh...nevermind..."
*CRUNCH*
Genis' hands crumble into the giant's tough skin as the weight of the creature pushes Genis to his limits, even with the Nega-Bands increasing his already incredible Kree-inherited strength.
"Mother orlock!" Genis yells as he kicks his flight powers into overdrive, reversing gravity's effect on the giant. Finally, the giant is thrown to the side. The village was saved. "Whew, now all I have to do is restrain him--"
The Lohupian military suddenly swoops in on armed hover-crafts, which vaporize the giant terrorizer.
"--so these guys can kill him...okay...not the solution I was looking for, but alright."
"Can we switch places yet?" Rick yells.
"Give me a minute!" Genis snaps as he pants, descending to ground level. "This Universal Protector gig sucks...I used to think it meant just my universe...now I got two to worry about..."
"Well, one's huge as hell, and the other is smaller than a hydrogen atom. Is something subatomic really gonna matter? The Micronauts are on patrol, too."
"I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Shut up, Rick. Clang away..."
"Yee haw!" Rick yells in a mock southern accent. He raises his arms high and bangs his wrists together with all of his might, unleashing a wave of energy, transporting himself to the Microverse -- and Captain Marvel filling the void.
The Mig-Na'cha suddenly get a surprised look in their mouth cavities. "Heeeeerrreeee's Genis!" Captain Marvel generates an orb of energy, blasting the drones to pieces.
"Click click ktk!"
"Um...no I will not do that! Sicko!" Genis yells, delivering more blasts. "I didn't know some aliens were gay."
"Elton John isn't an alien, then?" Rick (who's still naked, remember) asks as he waves to the amazed Lohupians.
Genis stops swinging his fists, "...I don't get it."
"Neither do I...," Rick says. "It sounded funny in my head, but then it came out wrong."
"Ha! 'Came out'!" Genis snickers as he resumes battling the frail insectoids. "Nice save."
"Wha--? Yeah...right..." Rick says.
Jukas storms into the exam room with his guards charging their energy weapons. "Stop him!" Jukas yells. His guards take aim and fire away. Using his mastery over photonic particles, Genis reflects the energy back at them.
*ZOOM!*
Soon, after a bright flash of light, there's nothing left. Genis runs up to the computer, rubbing his chin, "Hmmm, seems there's a bunch of citizens aboard..."
Suddenly, a female insectoid approaches Genis from behind. He spins around with his fists clenched with energy, but he notices the female is unarmed. "You killed my father," the Mig-Na'cha says. "He was Jukas, Ambassador to the Queen of the Mig-Na'cha..."
"I...I'm sorry," Genis says, suddenly becoming compassionate by remembering his own father (even though he never actually met him, just heard of what heroic deeds he did -- but still). "But you have to realize that unearthing these spoiled rich people from their homes is wrong."
"That's so stereotypical. I'm not spoiled."
The Mig-Na'cha gets in Genis' face, "We came here in search of a new home. Are you going to let these sub-creatures waste this world's natural resources any longer? Look at them, they are a disease."
"Obviously, your race is a disease if you're looking for a new world already."
"Our solar system was wiped out by our sun going supernova, you stupid...blue cretin!"
"It always comes down to name-calling, doesn't it? Why not try terra-forming Mars?" Genis suggests.
The insectoid gets a hostile look on her face. "Your love for these beings will be the end of you!" She presses a button on the computer council. Elsewhere, the citizens of Los Angeles become illuminated and then disappear.
"There, all of the hostages have been set free. I suggest you leave as well."
"Thank you," Genis says, as a small hatch above him opens. He flies through it.
The alien insect smiles, muttering to herself, "We'll be back...only we'll win when that time comes."
Later...
Rick (wearing a potato sack) and Marlo return to their apartment, to find everything wrecked. Books and magazines are all torn up on the floor, fake plants are everywhere, the furniture arrangement is so messed up, it's impossible to remember where it all went, and the TV is smashed. There's also a gaping hole in the ceiling. Lorraine is floating silently behind Marlo.
"Why did they try and kidnap us, again?" Marlo asks.
"I'm not sure," Rick responds. "Genis, do you know?"
"They were looking for a new home...although I'm not entirely believing the whole 'our sun exploded' excuse."
"Why Los Angeles, though?"
"The celebrities? They are, in some ways, the most powerful people on Earth. Some people would die for them. Who knows?"
"What'd he say?" Marlo asks.
Rick smirks, "He doesn't know, but I think they were looking for a new home planet."
"I hate you, Jones..."
Suddenly, there is a flash of white light. "Holy crap, they're comin' for me! I don't wanna cross over!" Lorraine yells. Marlo shushes her.
Before Rick, Marlo, and Lorraine stands the mighty Mar-Vell himself...although slightly more see-through looking.
Genis, while seeing everything Rick sees, suddenly becomes choked up, "By the Maker.....dad?"
Rick smiles, somewhat scared and excited at the same time, the kind of feeling any person would get after seeing a dead friend or relative. "Marv...I don't believe it...."
"Believe it, old friend," the original Captain Marvel responds. "I bring you a warning..."
"What is it?"
"Your innate psionic potential that the Supreme Intelligence unleashed within you, it has been burnt out..."
"No problems there, now the Time Keepers won't try anything rash with me--"
"Rick, my friend, there is more...the Mig-Na'cha have infected you with a strange virus...without your Destiny powers, you will have no chance at survival..."
Tears pool up in Marlo's eyes as she buries her face into Rick's shoulder. Rick is shaken, as are Genis and Lorraine. "Come on, Marlo, you've been dead once, it's not so bad...," Lorraine says. "But there's the not being able to have sex thing..." Marlo continues to cry.
Rick says shakily, "I....I don't....what am I supposed to do now?"
Before there is a response, Mar-Vell fades away.
"Father? DAD?!" Genis shouts. "Don't go! WAIT!"
Rick and Marlo slump onto their dusty couch. Fearing for his life and seeing his wife's agony, Rick sheds a tear. Genis, missing the opportunity to see his father, sheds a tear as well.
Lorraine floats towards the door, crossing her arms. "Drama queens," she mutters. She looks at the married couple longingly and feels tears streaming down her face.
NEXT ISSUE: Hopefully, they'll turn off the waterworks for next ish. Anyway, Genis searches the Microverse and finds that there may be a cure for Rick's illness there, but he'd have to stay for awhile. Watch as two friends, molecularly bonded, become emotionally separate.
