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First award up to bat is 'Best Title', and here's your presenter...
Meriades Rai!
Best
Title
The Kang/Ultron
War
Runners-Up: Force Works
There are many things that can make for a good fanfiction tale, but my
favorite is a simple one: it's when a writer takes familiar characters
and weaves a completely new story around them, that kind of story that
makes you pause and think, 'Man, why has Marvel never done this?'. When
that story is a true event, a tale that has lasting ramifications for
its universe, then all the better. I don't think I'm alone in enjoying
just such a story.
With this in mind it's no surprise that a number of readers have
declared The Kang / Ultron War their favorite title of the year at M2K,
despite stiff competition.
Conceived by Chris Munn and Steve Crosby, and mostly written by Steve,
this seven-issue event (plus tie-ins, including Josh Reynolds' Avengers
West Coast Annual) chronicles a universe-splintering confrontation
between two of the most infamous Marvel villains in the form of the
time-traveling Kang The Conqueror and the insidious Ultron. This
conflict spans the breadth of time and space, with numerous twists and
turns along the way, and there are times when the heroes of the piece
are almost incidental - however, when those heroes are no less than
three teams of Avengers (the East and West Coast branches, plus Avengers
Immortal), a true classic of an adventure is assured.
Steve was a giant on this project. If fanfic only had a wider audience
then comics fans would be able to thrill to a far more meaningful and
cohesive event than Marvel's Secret Invasion ever was; as it is, we'll
just be the lucky ones who have enjoyed something special and unique.
That's what fanfiction is for. Congrats Steve, and all hail The Kang /
Ultron War!
Coming up hot on the heels of Best Title, we've got the award for Best
Hero, presented by Hunter Lambright! Take it away Hunter!
Best Hero
Brother Nature
Runner-Up: Yellow Jacket
Hey, folks. Hunter Lambright here, of Young Avengers non-fame, to
announce the winner for Best Hero. This year's winner is a doozy,
because, well, before he showed up at Marvel 2000 you may never have
heard of him. Oh, right. He was in that Real Marvel Thunderbolts
one-shot, uh-huh?
Well, stand back, because Ed Ainsworth is taking Brother Nature far and
beyond one-shot level. The Best Hero winner stems from a book that lifts
him above and beyond what people would have ever considered him before
now. Ed's deep-thinking series takes a mish-mash of characters that
you'd never see together elsewhere and places them at the focus of his
exploration of the natural world of sorts, with Brother Nature acting as
the reader's eyes. It's no wonder he won Best Hero, as the vehicle for
such a cool, unique story.
Oh, and let's not forget the runner-up, eh? Yellowjacket (oh, is that
what he's going by right now?) did some major business in this past
year--more than enough to warrant second place. We honor thee, mate.
Yes! My turn at the microphone! Give me a round of applause as I present
for BEST HEROINE!
Best Heroine
Black Widow
Runner-Up: Warbird
Ah, Black Widow. Like the best Vodka poured into a catsuit and let loose
on the world. Emma Peel from the other side of the Iron Curtain, or
Modesty Blaise on the other side of the law, the black Widow has been
kicking ass and taking names regularly here at M2K (with a little help
from writer Curt Fernlund), and there’s no signs of her stopping yet.
Whether she’s partnering up with a certain acid-tongued arachnid or
tangling with vampires in Vegas, the Black Widow is that rare sort of
comic-book heroine who can stand on her own two feet and invariably ends
up playing first fiddle, no matter what book she happens to be in.
Which, I suppose, is why everyone’s favorite Cold War holdover (other
than Jimmy Woo) claims the Best Heroine two years running!
Now we're getting to the important awards! Make way for our next
presenter...Dave Golightly-wait. Hey! You're not-ZAARK!
Best Villain
Kang
Runner-Up: Ultron
<.........>
Greetings, putrid fleshbags. Apparently some of you wastes of organic
matter were unable to comprehend how to vote properly in your own
election. For this reason I, Ultron, the most perfect of creations, will
forevermore take over your precious Tookie voting procedures and ensure
their relevence.
I step aside from my ongoing plans against the Avengers for this because
of the obvious oversight done in this year's Best Villain category. For
some unknown and unquantifiable reason the incompetent Kang received
more votes than myself. This only proves how useless humans are in the
grand scheme of world operation. Obviously your human flaws seeped into
the voting process that would have otherwise been dedicated to my
greatness.
Within moments my nano-receptors will purge the M2K database of all Kang
votes, resulting in my glorious triump--
<.........>
Wait...what are you doing? You would dare to overwrite my software? You
are already too late! Kang may have been chosen by the tens of readers
that frequent this site, but it is Ultron who will have the final laug--
Do not even contemplate pressing the Y button! I am nearly complete in
erasing the end of the Kang/Ultron War! Once I do the lies as written by
Steve Crosby will be wiped away forever and Ultron will rule the worl—
KA-BOOM!
Well, we finally got the robot bits cleaned up, just in time to welcome
our next presenter... DAN INGRAM!
Best Supporting
Character
Layla Miller
Runner-Up: Banshee
Daniel Ingram here again, your favorite Force Works writer here to present
best supporting character!
A good supporting character helps carry the plot along, flesh out the
characters and is interesting in their own right.
So it's no surprise that the award for Best Supporting Character then goes
to Layla Miller. She's creepy, she's cooky, and she'd likely out Adams the
Adams family.
Layla's been one of the driving forces behind the Uncanny X-Men title, and
she's done it with style. Much like her mainstream counterpart, there's a
level of mystery to her actions, but it doesn't prevent her from being one
of the best characters of the title.
So congrats, Layla, you won best character. But I bet you knew that
already...
Runner up was Banshee, because for some reason old guys are cool, and
screaming old men are somehow awesome.
Aaaand I'm back! Our next award is one that's a bit of
an odd duck out, but I find it's the most intriguing out of the bunch!
Best Original
Character
Crisis
Runner-Up: Lord Darkstorm
Crisis sprang fully formed from Gregg Epstein's overheated brain early
on in 2009, and hit the ground running, alongside his partner, Sonik.
Seven issues into his eponymous series, Crisis has been waging a
never-ending battle against the drug-dealing organization of the King
Snake, as well as the occasional one-off fight against the inhabitants
of the most colorful Rogue's Gallery this side of Spider-Man. Gregg's
obvious enthusiasm for the character, and Crisis' gritty street-level
super-heroics have, in addition to being one of the most solid titles of
the Knights Branch, combined to create 2009's breakout character and
this year's winner of the Tookie for BEST ORIGINAL CHARACTER!
But coming a close second was the result of Dan Ingram's fevered
imaginings-Lord Darkstorm! The love-child of the Evil Overlord List and
hundred Fantasy Genre baddies, Darkstorm recently gave Excalibur a
tussle M2K will long remember, and 2010 promises even more big-britches
badness from our Runner-Up!
Rolling on, folks, let's give a big hand to the big brain
behind this year's Best Title, STEVE CROSBY!
Best Team
The Hyborian
Avengers
Runner-Up: The Order of the Damned
Hunh, this is odd.
Generally, one would expect the Best Team at M2K to be in a title named
after that team. Something like Avengers, Force Works, X-Men and the
like. Not so here. In fact, both the Best Team and the Runner-Up
regularly appeared in titles named after other teams. At least this
year's winners, the Hyborian Avengers, played a large part in not only
the West Coast Avengers title but also the Kang/Ultron War crossover
event. Plus, Conan the Cimmerian is a member, so automatically they're
Best Team regardless of votes. A further roster of Hawkeye, Princess
Python, Red Sonja, Sphinx and Rama-Tut are just icing on the cake.
The Runner-Up, however, is The Order of the Damned, a team of villains
that appeared in Ultimate Defenders. This bears repeating: a team of
villains almost won Best Team. Clearly this was the work of their
benefactors, the evil entities known as the Cabal. Luckily, a team that
actually bears some resemblance to a Defenders roster was there to stop
them.
Lets just stop for a minute and imagine the fight that must have taken
place. Keep in mind The Order of the Damned as a wizard, a zombie,
werewolf, vampire, and a spider/woman hybrid. Against an immortal demi-god,
a time-traveler, two hardcore barbarians, a woman with a pet python and
a guy who learned archery at the circus. That story, ladies and
gentlemen, needs to be written right now, preferably by either Josh
Reynolds or Meriades Rai.
Sadly, they're not here, and any attempt to write this fight myself
would cause my brain to explode from the sheer awesomeness. I can
imagine some highlights though. A python would swallow a werewolf whole,
then being ripped apart from the inside because it ate a werewolf whole!
Rama-Tut gets turned into a vampire which retroactively makes Kang and
Immortus into vampires, requiring Sphinx to repair all of reality even
as he battles Baron Mordo. Hawkeye laughing as a spider-woman tries to
mate with Conan even as he shoots arrows at it. And let's not forget Red
Sonja hacking away at a zombie.
Ah, an awesome fight to be sure. And of course the Hyborian Avengers are
going to win. Because they're M2K's Best Team of 2009.
Boom baby! I'm back! Swinging and stinging, feet like
lightning, back off man I'm high on S-U-C-C-E-S-S! Why am I here? Oh,
right...
Best Imprint
Heroes
Runner-Up:
Knights
Seems like the Heroes Branch locked up a right bunch of these awards,
didn’t it? I could put it down to my stunning leadership skills, but let’s
be honest (Why start now, right?), it’s really all due to the energy of a
few true-blue writers…guys like Melton, Crosby and Ingram, who shovel
capacious amounts of creative endeavor down the throats of our baby-bird
like audience. Or fine young gen’lmen like Sinclair and Lambright, who
take unusual concepts and go to town on them.
Plus, now we have Meriades Rai. So, y’know, kinda unstoppable.
I bet this is the one EVERYBODY has been waiting on. It's
okay, you can admit it. We're all friends here. So let's give a big
round of applause for our presenter...DINO POLL-what? Where is he? FIND
HIM! THIS I COMMAND!
...
There we go. And look, his suit's only barely wrinkled. Out
on stage, Pollard.
Best Writer
Meriades Rai
Runner-Up:
Steve Crosby
Why do I have to do this again? Who CARES if I started this site, that was
over ten years ago! Well, I don't care, I'm not doing it. I won't be your
monkey, Reynolds! ...Oh yeah? And just what are YOU gonna do about it?
...you wouldn't. That's just... this is blackmail is what it is. I can't
believe you'd stoop so...okay, I CAN believe it. But that doesn't make it
right!
Okay, so here we are at the...what are these things called again? The
Tookies? Seriously? It sounds like what my nephew calls his shit. Alright
fine, so I'm here to present the...Tookie for Best Writer. This award goes
to the writer who has demonstrated he is the least shameless when it comes
to bribing the voters and digging up dirt on his opponents.
Stephen Crosby is one of the all-time masters of mud-slinging. Seriously,
with the amount of shit he throws at people, he must be part-monkey or
something. But despite Crosby's best efforts, he is not the winner. No,
instead he is only the runner-up.
What is it about Meriades Rai? Could it be that he's actually more
masterful at bribery and defamation of character than Cursing Crosby? I
dunno, that's a tough call there. After all, Meri's a pretty respectable
sort, or at least he comes off that way. He could just be a very great
actor.
Personally, I think it's because Meri is one creepy bastard. Seriously,
have you READ Ultimate Defenders? A little-known fact is that it's
actually based on Meri's own childhood. So while
Crosby would go around defaming all his would-be competitors,
he's more into self-preservation than self-promotion. So there's no way he
would dare cross Meriades Rai, a guy who I imagine is probably the Satanic
love child of an orgy involving Alan Moore, Warren Ellis, Grant Morrison
and Aleister Crowley.
Congratulations Meri, you're this year's best writer. Now please don't
kill me.
Good God, look at the anger-sweat Pollard left all over the
stage...anyway, Best Fight. Considering that the average run on a
fanfiction title is basically one long fight sequence, this is an
important award for those of us who like a bit of-to borrow a
paraphrase-punchey-punchey-run-run. So, without further
procrastination....
Best Fight
The Spider-Man
Revenge Squad vs. Spider-Man
Runner-Up: Excalibur vs. Wendigo
Really, it’s a bit of a no-brainer that when a guy fights a group of
folks created for the sole purpose of killing him, it’s going to be
entertaining. And this time was no different, as everyone’s favorite
wall-crawler took on a bevy of his most fearsome foes, such as…the
Fixer? The Beetle? Man-Killer? The Black Archer? Who the heck is the
Black Archer?
Oh, we don’t know? Intentionally? So really just the Beetle then? And
they beat Spider-Man?
Man, I really need to catch up on Thunderbolts, don’t I?
Still, there had to be a reason they took top honors over the hard cases
from Excalibur being reduced to sympathetic tears by a fight with the
Wendigo. I mean, come on! Crying, people! That’s award gold right there.
Seriously, the Black Archer. Am I missing something? Is it Benjamin
Linus? It’s Ben, isn’t it? Dude's got to be doing something now that
LOST is done.
Ooh, we're so close to the end I can already taste that first gin and
tonic of the night. Getting us one step closer to the door is DAN
INGRAM! Round of applause please, we ain't done yet!
Best Moment
The Death of
Hank Pym
Runner-Up: Zombie Kitty Pryde Running Through the Halls
Daniel Ingram
here, writer of Force Works and Excalibur and thus creator of 90% of
Marvel 2000's liberal proproganda, and I'm here to give out the
tookie for the Best Moment of 2009!
And the winner is....drum roll please!
The Death of Hank Pym!
The war between Ultron and Kang was a nasty one, and both sides
wanted to exterminate the other. Everyone had their plan, but as the
saying goes, no plan survives contact with the enemy.
Pym's death, not at the hands of his evil creation, but killed by
the hand of Marcus, Kang's son, was the perfect example of that.
It raised the personal stakes for both Kang and Ultron, came out of
left field and marked when the war became personal for the
indestructable robot and raised the conflict to another level for
the Avengers too, losing a founding member in the battle.
So it's only natural that turning event won best moment!
Runner Up was Zombie Kitty Pride infiltrating Humanity's last
outpost. Because the only thing scarier than a zombie is one you
can't touch, but can touch you!
Aaaand I’m back. I’m like Billy Crystal at the Oscars, only not funny or
even remotely entertaining… anywhicherydoo, we’ve come to the Best
Lightning portion of this pretty much meaningless and morally debatable
awards ceremony, where we point out which team-ups rocked the hardest.
Cagney and Lacey? Thelma and Louise?
Best Team-Up
Spider-Man and
Black Widow
Runner-Up: Dr. Strange and Excalibur
We could go for the obvious ones…the bedrock dynamite duos and classic
odd-man out pairings which are the core of any good fanfic site.
Instead, we went with Spider-Man and the Black Widow, because if there’s
anything funnier than a sarcastic spider from Queens and a former spy
turned villain turned heroine teaming up to beat on a guy in a funny
mask, I can’t honestly think of it. Plus, a heart to heart over a cuppa
joe. It was like Hoosiers, only with super-heroes! How could it get any
better?
Unless of course it’s when a man in a stylish cape and awesome facial
hair teamed up with a squad of super-powered misanthropes to save the
Earth from an army of rejects from Hawk the Slayer and Time Bandits.
Cause that was the Runner-Up.
This is it folks. The last death-rattle for this year's
Tookies Award Show. I just want to take a minute to say thanks to
everyone who helped out and that I'm personally looking forward to
seeing next year's nominees. Now, I'll give the stage over to our
brilliant Editor-in-Chief, Cory Wiegel. Take it away Cory!
HALL OF FAME
Josh Reynolds
Me? Hunh. Did not figure on that.
Runner-Up: Daniel
Ingram
Finally, joining Marvel 2000's legacy of editors and
writers is... JOSH REYNOLDS!
Having never written for the site before, Josh was recruited by none other
than D. Golightly to pick-up Avengers West Coast from where Russ Anderson
and Chris Munn left off. What followed was an epic run that forever
changed the status quo of Marvel 2000's left coast and inspired a
migration of heroes to San Francisco in order to defend the weakened city
from a horde of monsters, super-villain teams, and civil unrest. As if his
stellar collection of stories wasn't enough of a contribution, Josh also
became an Assistant Editor-in-Chief overseeing the Knights and Heroes
Branches, a position that has proven instrumental in the growth,
development, and continued success of Marvel 2000 for over two years.
Very few others have done as much for the site as this man, and that's the
reason why our readers and writers alike have chosen him to be entered
into the Hall of Fame. CONGRATULATIONS, JOSH!!!
That brings the Tenth Annual Tookies to a close.
Ya'll don't have to go home but you can't stay here, so scram!!!
Josh Reynolds
May 28, 2010
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