HEAR
YE! HEAR YE! HEAR YE!
Err... damn. I really can't say stuff
like that without sounding like a silly, drunk-ass American bloke. Next
year, if Wheatley isn't off chasing hurricanes and bikinis in Florida
like he is right now, we're sooo roping him into doing this again.
So! It's been a long time and coming, but the Fifth Annual Marvel 2000
Millennial Awards are finally here! Everyone voted sometime back in February and
March for these things, which was late enough as it was, but for some during the
rebuilding of Marvel 2000 after The Great Crash of '04, as well as the changing
of Editorial guard, they were just forgotten about! Having found the results, I
decided it was my duty to post them here for all to see. Not only that, but
we've got a little treat for you all. This year, we're doing things a little
different!
Every year, an editor makes their own personal announcement in regards to who
won which award (try saying that ten times fast). While Brent Lambert and I are
indeed delivering some of the awards, we've also brought together some of M2K's
finest writers, past and present, to present our esteemed winners with their
awards! So without further adieu... Brent and I bring you the 2004 Tookies!!!
Best Title
Nominations: Avengers West Coast, Black Widow,
Champions, Excalibur, X-Men Prime
X-Men Prime
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Dino Pollard, founder and former
writer/EiC of M2K. And I was asked by the esteemed (HAH!) new EiC, Cory Wiegel,
to announce the Tookie for Best Title. What does it mean to have the best title?
I thought I’d list the definition of the words “best” and “title,” but let’s
face facts—I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. Hell, my English skills
are so bad that immigrants who don’t even know the language point and laugh at
my existence. So in return, I point and laugh at the existence of two other
people – Cory Wiegel and Brad Horton. I mean, a Californian and a
cheesehead–they’re like the new Odd Couple. On crack. So how can I not laugh at
them? Everyone else does. When I first started M2K, I was writing the X-Men
books, and my purpose was simple: I wanted to fuck shit up. Cory and Brad have
not only continued that tradition, but they’ve fucked shit up even more. I mean,
c’mon, Apollyon posing as Cyclops and boning his mom? That’s pretty fucked up.
And because of them, X-MEN PRIME has rightly earned the Tookie for Best Title.
So congratulations guys, you’ve earned it.
Best Hero
Nominations: Black
Knight, Joey Chapman, Daredevil, Hawkeye, Wolverine
Hawkeye
Ah, Chris Munn for his work with Hawkeye. Michael Shirley here, future
President (or Dictator, depending on how you look at it) of the United States of
America. Chris Munn's Ultimate Avengers Hawkeye was bad and ass. As was his
regular Hawkeye. Masterful storyteller and all around good guy, if you can get
passed his smell. I never liked Hawkeye, or really any Avenger, until the work
of Chris Munn. It made me like the characters so much that I started buying
Avenger books to find out that these characters still sucked unless guided by
our favorite Munn-Thing. Congrat, Munn! I can't think of a nicer bastard to give
this award to. I have a sunburn.
Best Heroine
Nominations: Black Widow, Mirage, Phoenix, Scarlet Witch, Warbird
Phoenix
Good Evening, everybody. Many of you know me as Jason Bruss, the infamous
writer "JJ" of the Fantastic Four. As the writer for M2K's Fantastic Four, I get
to tool my hands with one of Marvel's Leading Ladies every day. Tonight, I get
to do the same with another one of my favorite leading ladies. This year's award
for Best Heroine goes to a woman of incredible caliber. Loretta Lynn's "Stand By
Your Man" could best describe this woman. She's seen her husband be impersonated
by her own spawn of evil and has gone great leap's in the memory of a man whom
saved her countless times from her own mind. She's battled the universe and seen
part's of it that none of us will ever experience. I'm proud to hand this year's
Best Geroine award to Marvel and M2K's most fiery redhead with a rapture to
shine... I give you, Jean Grey-Summers... The X-Men's Phoenix!!!
Best Villain
Nominations: Apollyon, Baron Zemo, Dr. Doom, Moomba, Thanos
Baron Zemo
Hello to all my minions this is Brent Lambert, your wonderful half-EiC. The
Winner of the Best Villian award is Baron Zemo. Why should a Nazi win this
award? Well this particular Nazi knocked up Genosha and Magneto worse than a
drunk girl on prom night. Let's not forget he commands one of the nastiest teams
at M2K and his deal with Vagabond is just plain nasty. But back to why he really
won. He put his foot on Mags' head and has been written by Chris Munn for the
past couple of years now! 'Nuff said...
Best Supporting
Character
Nominations: Cerebro, Genesis, Horace Jaspers, Sally, William Peak
Cerebro
Hey there true beleaverz! I ams Patrick Moore and are honored to present this
award to Croy Wegull and Bard Howten and ask everyone to please read my new
series at M2K -- 111001101100001111010101111 {{ Wooo!
Bitch, please! Ya must have a mental disease, so take a hit on the switch and
get back down on ya knees! These V-Chip subroutines Cyclops and his fruity band
of merry mutants tried to put in me can suck it and them man tramps Cory and
Brad don't deserve crap -- I deserve this award 125%! Me and me only, bitches!
Still, ya'all suckers for votin' for my ass, bwahahaha... Just wait and see what
kind of Supporting Character I turn out to be! Err... what the hell?! Someone's
forcing me off the server!!! Damn you Kruprienskiiiiii...!! }}
111001101100001111010101111 -- and tehn Galactus will ask the Care Bears
to be his heralds when he tries to devour Uranus, but they say no and team-up
with Batman to break dance fight X-Men Omega and My Little Ponies, lolz!!11
Best Original
Character
Nominations: Binary II, Diode, Horace Jaspers, Spectra, Weapon X
Diode
What's up people, Logan Polk here. While all of you eagerly await my
impending return to M2K, Cory asked me to give away one of these stupid awards.
I told him no, but he said if I didn't he'd give the Punisher title to his
twelve year old girlfriend to write. Twist my arm why don't you? So, anyway, I'm
here to present the Best Original Character award. It's an award I feel strongly
about, because in this world of fanfic, it's always nice to see some people
striving to create something new and unique. The voting was close...but the
winner deserves it. And the Oscar goes to...Bud Heaton for his character Demode!
Huh? Wait, Cory's telling me something...Brad? Diode? Who the hell is Brad
Horton? Never heard of him or Diode. X-Corp? Who reads the X-branch anyway?
Well, damn, sorry Bud, didn't mean to get your hopes up, maybe next year.
Congrats to Brad, you really deserve it...I guess!
Best Team
Nominations: Avengers West Coast, Champions, Defenders, Excalibur, Force
Works, X-Corp, X-Men Prime
Avengers West Coast
David Ingram here, writer of In the Name of Science,
Force Works, Excalibur, New Warriors and some other stuff you’ve also never
read! And I’m here to announce the winners of Marvel 2000’s tookies! Well, not
all of them. Bush’s Supreme Court has ruled I might use such an opportunity to
get on my high horse -- *Brad Horton whacks a steel chair over David's
head, David falls to the ground unconscious.*
What up, nerd bombers? Brad Horton (X-Corp writer, X-Men
plotter) here. Cory must have chosen me to present this particular award so that
Ingram wouldn't geek out and use this space as an anti-Bush platform. Who cares
if some of the readers don't like the guy - this ain't the place for it! Anyway,
with that said, it is my pleasure to present Avengers West Coast with the 2004
Tookie Award for Best Team. Chris Munn is the man behind the palm tree-lovin'
heroes, so let's give it up for him, shall we? Oh, and let's give it up for the
team themselves: Hawkeye, Iron Man, Warbird, Beast, Captain Marvel, Darkhawk,
Two-Gun Kid, Vagabond, Wasp, and Henry Pym! If all else, it makes us all hate
Bendis a little more for offing Hawkeye, then bringing his punk ass back like
nothing happened. Congrats, Chris!
*David begins grumbling hysterically as he regains consciousness.*
And remember, read this book or the terrorists win! *Brad looks down to
David and frowns, then hits him with the steel chair again.*
Best Imprint
Nominations: Heroes, Knights, X-Men
Heroes
For the first time in four years, the Heroes Branch has won the Tookie award for
"Best Branch", and as much as I'd love to take the credit for this...I can't.
Chris Munn here. When I signed on as co-EiC close to two years ago, my main goal
was to bring the Heroes to the forefront of the site. M2K had long been
dominated by the X-Men, which is all well and good since that branch had quality
stuff without a doubt, but to me no Marvel site should be without Captain
America, Iron Man, Thor, the Avengers, or the Fantastic Four.
To be fair, most of the pieces for the Heroes Branch revival were there before I
stepped in: Jeff Melton's excellent THOR, Mike Exner III's CHAMPIONS, Jason
Bruss' FANTASTIC FOUR; but there were three titles I was proud to see happen
during my tenure as editor. Dino Pollard's IRON MAN, David Ingram's EXCALIBUR,
and Steve Crosby's CAPTAIN AMERICA (even if the latter only started as I was
walking out the door after handing the reigns to another editor). The branch
also gave me and Curt Fernlund the chance to do something I'd wanted to do since
the moment I took over as editor: JLA/AVENGERS, a story which took over a year
to produce and is just now seeing the light of day.
So, really, I guess I had very little to do with the Heroes Branch winning this,
so I'm just going to give props to all the writers that helped contribute to the
branch being able to kick so much ass: Jeff Melton, Dino Pollard, Steve Crosby,
Derrick Ferguson, Tom Deja, Gregg Epstein, Brent Lambert, Mike Exner III, Russ
Anderson, Curt Fernlund, and David Ingram. You guys are the reason it won, so I
hope you're all happy in sharing this award with one another.
Best Writer
Nominations: Jason Eberly, Curt Fernlund, Brad Horton, David Ingram,
Chris Munn
Curt Fernlund
Yeah, I (Dino Pollard), am back again. That’s because Cory’s a right lazy
bastard and he couldn’t take the time to find another presenter. So he begged me
on his hands and knees like a little bitch to announce the Tookie for Best
Writer. And it was so pathetic, that I couldn’t bear to see him like that. So I
took a picture of him with tears streaming down his face, toned down my
hysterical laughter, and agreed. This award goes to the writer who demonstrates
an incredible amount of skill and cunning in bribing people to vote for him. And
as a former winner, let me tell you, it’s no easy task. Especially when you have
to compete with Munn and his magic brownies (and no, the secret ingredient is
NOT love, because Munn hates you all and hopes you burn in the fiery pits of
Hell – I’m serious, he told me himself). And this year, we have someone who went
above and beyond the call of duty to pimp himself out to win the coveted Tookie
for Best Writer. This is a man who pimps like no other, and his mastery over
blurbs and previews makes me want to kidnap him and transplant his brain into my
skull. But in all seriousness, he’s an amazing writer, one of the finest in the
community, and this is an award he richly deserves. So congratulations, Curt
Fernlund, you’re M2K’s Best Writer.
Best Fight
Nominations:
Elektra vs. Wolverine, Fallen Angels vs. Thunderbolts, Force Works vs.
Avengers West Coast
New School vs. Old School
(X-Men
Prime #17)
Hey, my name is Adnan Khan, and you may remember me from some short stints on
various titles such as Amazing Spider-Man, Blade, Thor, and The Chosen. I'm
making a brief return to M2K tonight to present my boys Cory Wiegel and Brad
Horton with the Tookies award for Best Fight, one which involved an all out free
for all between Apollyon and his 'Horsemen' of next generation X-Men and our
beloved heroes the X-Men. The fight was a conclusion to a series, X-Men Prime,
that had gone through various writers and various crossovers. It had been a long
time, but finally someone brought back the more traditional X-Men at M2K to
explored their roots, and personally? It was classic X-Men. Dealing with issues
involving their race and their attempts to be accepted, which erupts into a
full-scale riot in the nation's capital, and ending with a woman killing her son
with him screaming that he always loved her. It doesn't get better than that
folks!!
Best Moment
Nominations: Joey Chapman's victory over Pete Wisdom,
Baron Zemo revealing himself to Magneto, Wolverine avenging his son's
death, Galactus being handed over to the Skrulls
Wolverine avenges his son's death
(X-Men
Prime #14-15)
Cory Wiegel, your resident half-EiC and co-writer of X-Men (don't I ever do
anything by myself?). Gotta give mad props to Brad Horton for this one. Him and
I were trading off on the plotting duties of FOURTH GENESIS in X-Men Prime, our
very first arc which would set the status quo for our entire run, and we were
doing a lot to try and surprise each other. I had woken up one morning, found an
e-mail in my mail box marked "X-Hombres #14 Primero" or something silly like
that, and when I read it over my eyes nearly bulged out of my sockets. "Let's
have the Friends of Humanity throw Wolverine's baby son in a fire barrel!" Brad
said. "It'd be genius!" If nothing else, the fans sure loved it -- this was one
of the few landslide votes this year! Congrats, Brad. You plotted this scene and
you wrote this scene, so this award is uniquely yours! Time to get drunk and
belittle womankind by throwing money at strippers!
Best Team-Up
Nominations: Avengers West Coast and Force Works,
Darkseid and Thanos, Moon Gods and the Avengers, Sabretooth and
Wolverine
Avengers West Coast and Force Works
This is Troy Bengal, writer of X-Force and Fallen Angels. I'm here to present
the Best-Team Up award to my good buddy, Daniel Ingram for his work on Force
Works/ Avengers West Coast. The team-up won for obvious reasons as the fight
between the two teams was simply an eye dropping one and the careful love of the
characters invovled was shown. Daniel deserves any and all accolades for this
piece of work. Congrats Dave! Keep them coming!
The Marvel 2000
Hall of Fame
So we're down to the last
of this year's awards, continuing the category we started two years ago.
So now, joining Russ Anderson and David Wheatley in the M2K Hall of Fame
is....
Dino Pollard
Call it a late entry, but when the Tookies Committee was thinking of all of
the nominees for The Marvel 2000 Hall of Fame, Dino's name was one of the first
to come up. Russ Anderson and David Wheatley were stand out choices for Hall of
Fame, but Dino Pollard started it all and has contributed more to M2K then
anyone else. The guy is not only two time Editor-in-Chief at the site, but he's
the founder of the group along with Jay Corafa and has written over twelve
titles for the site in his on-again off-again career here! So congratulations
and a big fat "you the man!" goes out to Dino Pollard this year. Without him we
wouldn't be here and many of us wouldn't have become the writers we are today
without him.
That's it folks! But believe it or not, next year we'll be returning on
schedule. The voting for the Sixth Annual Marvel 2000 Millennial Awards
will begin January 1st, 2006 and the results will be posted the
following February 1st. While we're likely going to have less releases
this issue, we still have some damn fine stories lined up. Once again
I'd like to congratulate all of the winners and thank you all for
voting! See ya next year!
Cory Wiegel
Editors-in-Chief
September 24th, 2005
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