“I never knew how much stuff we kept in here.” Jean Grey said aloud to no one in particular. She had set about cleaning out the spare bedroom in the guesthouse so that they could move Rahne in, but she hadn’t realized what a chore it would be. The room was filled with boxes, with God only knows what inside of them, all needing to be sorted. Out of curiosity, Jean opened one box marked old stuff. She pulled out her old yellow and black costume that she first wore as an X-man and held it in front of herself.

 

“I can’t believe I used to fit into this thing.” She sighed.

 

“You should see my wardrobe, my dear Jean. I can’t tell you how hard it is to find something made for today’s discriminating four hundred pound blue furred mutant!”

 

“Is that why you used to fight menaces to mutant kind in a pair of underwear, Hank?” Jean asked with a laugh

 

“No, it just made doing the laundry far more easy. I shed like you wouldn’t believe!”

 

“Oh, you’d be surprised Hank. I lived with you for a while now. Heck, you left enough hair around to make a throw rug! How’s it coming with those scramblers? Have they been installed yet?” She asked conversationally

 

“They’ve all been placed, prepped and ready to go. We should do a test run on their effectiveness, post haste.” Hank said

 

“Alright. Turn them on so I can test them.”

 

Hank did, and Jean reached out with her telepathy. Normally, Jean could hear the voices of hundreds with her telepathy. Though she had learned to block it out the voices, it was still there, a constant white noise. But now there was nothing, utter silence with the exception of Hank, whom she could still ‘hear’. And she heard something curious…

 

“Hank, please forgive my unintentional prying, but why are you so anxious to get back to your lab, and why don’t you want Rahne or anyone else to know what you’re doing?”

 

“Uhh, I’m working on a exercise program, that combined with some diet supplements will help Rahne regain the strength in her legs quicker. It’s still in the design stages, so I don’t want to get her hopes up, without due cause.” He hastily explained

 

 “Oh.” Jean shrugged, “Well, at least with Rahne staying here, she won’t be bothering our telepathically inclined students with her nightmares.”

 

“Yes, Jean, but she will be bothering you with her dreams, you realize. The scramblers only close off an area. You may and most likely will still be affected, Jean.” Hank explained

 

“I know. And I’m willing to risk it.” She answered

 

“I see. May I ask why?”

 

“Why what?”

 

“Why are you going to such lengths for Rahne? We all care for her well being, but with you, it’s more.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hank.” Jean said as she went back to moving boxes around

 

“Come now, Jean. I know you far better than that. You visited Rahne daily while she was in a coma and prodded me and Cecelia for updates on her condition almost as much as Dani. Your compassion is well known, to be sure, but it seems to me that this is more.”

 

“It just needs to be done.” Jean said defensively.

 

“True, that it does. That it does. That it does indeed.”

 

 

After what seemed to be two eternities, Rahne fell asleep weeping in Dani’s arms. Dani gently laid Rahne back in bed, pulled the sheets over her and called for Cecelia.

 

“You were right. Damn it all to hel, you… were right.” She sighed. Dani struggled to maintain her composure. She loved Rahne like the little sister she never had, and it was difficult enough knowing that she had been horribly tortured for months on end, but knowing that Rahne had been raped for a fact, on top of everything else that had happened to her, was almost too much for her. Dani didn’t want to believe it at first, and even then she had trouble dealing with it. Now…She knew that she had to be strong for Rahne, but it was becoming so very difficult.

 

“At least she stopped blaming herself and internalizing her pain now, which is the first step to recovery, Dani.” Cecelia stated as she walked over to a medicine cabinet and pulled out a syringe. “This should help her rest.”

 

“What… what about any… S.T.D’s? According to Rahne, there…there were…so…so many…” Dani stammered. The very question was almost impossible for her to ask, and an act of incredible willpower.

 

“None, thankfully. We checked her for everything when she was brought in, and it was about the only thing that didn’t show up.” Cecelia replied as she injected the contents of the syringe into a vein Rahne’s left arm.

 

“Thank the Spirits for small miracles.” Dani thought to herself as she absently ran her hand over Rahne’s cheek. “I need to do something at the danger room, real quick. Do you think that you could watch her for a little bit?”

 

Cecelia gave Dani an odd look. Normally, Dani insisted on being by Rahne’s side whenever she could, leaving only for food or to use the bathroom and even then leaving reluctantly. Why would she leave now?

 

“I gave her Ambein, it’ll knock her out for a while. She doesn’t need anyone here with her, and I have other duties I need to see to.”

 

“Are you sure you can’t stay here with her?”

 

“Sorry, Dani. But I’m sure Rahne will be just fine alone.” Cecelia said reassuringly

 

“Alright, for now.”

 

As Cecelia walked out of the room with Dani, she couldn’t help but wonder what would drag her away from Rahne. When Cecelia was out of sight, Dani sprinted towards the danger room. She didn’t want to waste any more time than she had too. Much to her chagrin, she found that it was already in use. She opened the door and saw that three students were lying around on a simulated beach. One student resembled a bird, his arms covered in feathers; another was a female with four eyes and three arms while the last looked like a human turtle. Dani turned the simulation off, and the three students who had sitting in beach chairs relaxing suddenly found themselves sitting in a cold, metal room.

 

“Hey, what’s the big idea?” The birdboy asked.

 

“I need to use the danger room. You don’t. Out.” Dani replied.

 

“But the professor said we could relax here!” The turtle boy said

 

“Hey, you’re one of the senior classes, aren’t you? What’s it like to graduate?” The girl asked

 

“Great. Now get out.”

 

Somehow quite not catching the hostility in her voice, the students kept asking Dani questions about the school…

 

“What’s the highest level you’ve reached in the danger room?”

 

“Have you ever piloted the black bird?”

 

“What are they keeping in the medi-lab?”

 

Enraged at both the last comment and at being ignored, Dani sucker punched the bird boy, knocking him to his ass. That clued the others into Dani’s anger

 

“Maybe you three didn’t hear me the first time I said it, so I’ll say it again, get the hell out!” She barked

 

The three students rushed out of the room, rightfully afraid of what she would do to them if they stayed.

 

“Computer, seal the danger room, program alpha beta Sunspot is gay.”

 

In seconds, the danger room sealed itself completely off. Dani started a program designed by the late New Mutant Douglas Ramsey, A.K.A Cypher. After the New Mutants had been attacked by the Beyonder, a powerful alien, Dani thought it was best to have a ‘safe house’ that the New Mutants would be protected in. The danger room was a natural choice, and she had Cypher create a program to make it into the safest place on earth, completely sealed off from the rest of the mansion if need be. No one could get in or out now unless they knew the proper access codes, something only she and the now deceased Cypher knew.

 

“Suck it up. You need to see this. You need to know.” Dani thought to herself. Like all of Xavier’s students, Danielle Moonstar was a mutant. One of her powers was to create solid illusions of what someone feared most. It was a power that she refined over the years, and she now had the skill of a surgeon using it. While she was comforting Rahne, Dani pulled the image of the room Rahne had been held in and experimented on out of her mind. She didn’t project it then and there, of course; rather Dani ‘held on’ to it and waited until she had some time alone. Dani called on her power now, and the danger room changed from a soulless metal room, to a sterile surgical room filled with all kinds of medical instruments and medicine bottles. Dani looked them over, and could read the contents and the amount of ‘bottles’. Dani opened one of the cabinets and saw even more medical supplies, all properly placed and labeled. She opened another cabinet and saw the exact same thing.

 

 The subsequent snap was almost audible. 

 

“Bastards!” Dani screamed as she ripped the cabinets from the wall, “You fucking bastards!”

 

“She was an innocent! An innocent! And you sons of bitches took that from her!”

 

Dani sent a row of beakers and bottles crashing to the floor.

 

“And why! What the hell did she ever do to deserve this!? Because she was a mutant?!”

 

Dani tore another cabinet off the wall and smashed it to the ground,

 

“Because she had one fucking thing you wanted, and you had to rip everything else away from her to get it!!” She roared

 

After a few minutes of destroying the faux room, Dani slumped to her knees, put her face in her hands and wept. Wept for what Rahne lost, wept for the fact that she was powerless to help her and wept for the pain this entire ordeal had caused her.

 

“It’s appalling in it’s accuracy, isn’t it?”

 

Dani looked up; surprised that anyone else could be in the danger room with her. She was even more shocked that it was Professor X, who had no real physical powers whatsoever.

 

“How the hell…”

 

“I designed the danger room myself, Dani, remember? If it will recognize the commands of no one else, it will recognize mine.” Professor X stated, “So this is where they kept Rahne?”

 

“I knew she remembered almost everything that happened to her, but I never expected…this.” Dani said. Xavier knew instantly what she meant, though he wished he didn’t.

 

“Every detail, every little thing, every_little_nuance_of_this_god_damned_room is_engrained_in_her_mind!” Dani screamed, “Every time she closes her eyes, she sees this fucking room!  And I don’t know how the hell to help her overcome what they did to her!”

 

“You could start by calming down. You’ve been on edge ever since you found out what happened to Rahne, and it’s not helping anyone. You’ve always been passionate, Dani, but here it’s working against you.” Professor X calmly explained.

 

“Do you even know what it’s like!? Do you? My best, closest friend has been brutalized, in ways that may never heal, and I can’t do anything at all to help her! I may as well be pissing in the wind!” Dani snapped.

 

“I know exactly what it’s like, Dani. Sadly enough, I went thru the something very similar with Rahne’s mother.”

 

“Moira?”

 

“Yes. What I tell you next, I expect to be kept in confidentiality.”

 

Dani nodded, “Of course.” 

 

“Moira married an abusive man, and in time she began to realize that he would never change. She eventually decided to leave him and decided to tell him while they were visiting New York on a vacation. He responded by brutally sexually assaulting her, taking her passport and leaving her beaten half to death in her hotel room. She was fortunate enough that a maid cleaning the rooms found her before she bled to death from internal hemorrhaging and called for an ambulance. Besides the incredible pain Joe inflicted on her both physically and mentally, he also left her pregnant from the attack.”

 

“You mean Proteus was… Oh my god…I never knew…”

 

“I doubt that Moira ever told anyone, perhaps not even Rahne. She called me from the hospital, since I was the only one she trusted enough at the time.” he stated, “I helped her as best as I could, but…”

 

“But?”

 

“But I wasted far to much time being enraged at her husband, Joe.” Xavier sighed, shaking his head, “I spent more time convincing myself not to kill him with my powers than helping Moira overcome what happened to her. My ‘righteous’ anger prevented me from giving her the love, comfort and support she so desperately needed from me. In short, I failed her, and her unborn child, in her time of greatest need. And I see you making the exact same mistakes I made. Rahne is far stronger than you give her credit for, Dani. It’s a quiet strength, to be sure, but it’s most certainly there. She overcame the lies, abuse and self-loathing that Craig instilled her mind with as a child, and with yours and Jean’s help, she can overcome this as well. But not if those who are trying to help her recover are snapping under the pressure and assaulting students and teachers.”  

 

Dani sighed. Professor X was right, as was often the case. It was hard to admit, but at the pace she was going, Dani knew she would burn out emotionally soon, and wouldn’t be of any use to anyone, especially Rahne.

 

“What do you think I should do? How can I help her?”

 

“I think you should take a day away from Rahne. To calm down and collect yourself. I would suggest that you also use the time to withdraw from college, at least for this semester.”

 

“What? I can’t leave her now! I don’t give a damn about my classes!” Dani snapped

 

“I know you mean well, but this entire situation is simply draining you dry emotionally. It’s just one day, Dani. At most. Jean is more than willing to stay with Rahne while you sort out what you need to.”

 

“No, that’s unacceptable. I may need to cool down, but I’ll be damned if I leave Rahne alone for an entire day. She needs me.” Dani said as she shook her head, “she needs me.”

 

Xavier half expected that answer, but he was undeterred. He still knew of one Achilles Heel that he could exploit to make Dani see that she needed a break.

 

“What about what you’re doing to Rahne?” He asked.

 

“Excuse me?” Dani asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Rahne is easily the most empathic person I have ever known. She loves those who love her and it’s all but impossible for someone to hide their emotions from her. Were I not a doctor myself, I would swear her empathy was a mutant power.” He explained, “How long do you think it will be before she realizes how this situation is eating you up? And how long will it be after that before she blames herself?

 

“…” Dani opened her mouth to reply, but couldn’t form any words. Professor X continued,

 

“I’m certain Jean will be able to help her while you see to what you need to. Rahne is going to need your strength now more than ever before. Do you honestly think you can bear that burden alone now, or are even in good enough condition now to help her? I certainly don’t.” He stated

 

“Okay, okay. You’re right; I do need to withdraw and get my stuff out of my dorm, and now is a good as time as any.” Moonstar sighed as she brushed her hair out of her face, “Where’s…where’s Jean now?”

 

“She’s already with Rahne. Logan’s in the garage ready to drive you to New York.”

 

 

Despite the fact that Cecelia had given Rahne a strong sedative that was supposed to prevent dreams, Jean Grey could still feel Rahne’s pain, her nightmares as the young girl slept. They were far less pronounced, and certainly not enough to affect any of the telepathic students by any means, but they were there all the same. And Jean simply couldn’t stand it anymore.

 

- After what she’s suffered thru, she deserves at least one pleasant night- Jean thought to herself. She thought about the moral implications of what she intended to do for a moment, but decided in the end that helping Rahne took precedence over some abstract ideals. This time, at least. She used her telepathy and reached into Rahne’s mind. Unlike with Frost, Rahne’s mind didn’t attempt to eject or resist Jean. For one thing, Jean was the person who brought Rahne back from the brink of death when they first rescued her. In doing so, Rahne’s unconscious mind ‘trusted’ Jean, as opposed to Frost who had attempted to brainwash Rahne before. For another thing, Jean was far more gentle than Frost when she attempted to enter Rahne’s mind, gently coaxing her way in, rather than forcing herself in. She didn’t bother to look around as she entered Rahne’s nightmare. It was just Rahne’s mental recreation of the torture she had suffered, and Jean had already seen it first hand. Using her powers, she dispelled it completely.

 

-I’ll have to ‘bring up’ some of her happier memories if I want her to have a good night’s sleep-Jean thought to herself. She reached out with her powers and ‘called’ forth memories from Rahne’s mind that she had a pleasant and positive emotional attachment to. Jean was shocked to find that Rahne had so relatively few. Her earliest memories were of abuse, both physical and emotional by the Reverend Craig, who raised her until she was a teenager and filled her mind with self-loathing. Jean found that Rahne’s life was one of constant struggle, from reconciling her faith with her powers to learning that the only family she had was dying of an incurable disease, and that she had never given up or stopped believing in the goodness of man. Jean put aside her sympathy for Rahne for a moment and created a dream for Rahne, where she was having a picnic with her old friends from the New Mutants. But the moment she stopped concentrating on it, Rahne’s dream degenerated back into the horrific nightmare she was having before.

 

-The trauma’s so deep, it’s hard to dispel. It’s going to take some effort to get Rahne’s mind to ‘accept’ the dream I made for her.- Jean thought to herself, -Well, I knew this wouldn’t be easy when I started-. She concentrated, and went about reconstructing the pleasant dream she had created for Rahne.

 

 

Dani squirmed uncomfortably in her seat, “ Why couldn’t we have taken the Black Bird instead?”

 

“We’re just going to pick up a few things out of your dorm, Dani. This van will do that just fine. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.” Logan replied.

 

“Couldn’t we just go a little faster?”

 

“There’s something called the speed limit, Moonstar, and I’m already a good ten miles over it. Unclench, willya? You might pass a diamond you keep this up. I know you’re concerned about Rahne, but Jeanie will take good care of her. The whole point of this trip is so you can cool down some, remember?”

 

“Easier said that done, really. Rahne brings out the mother in me, even after all these years. Logan… I have to ask you something, did you know?”

 

“Know what?”

 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Logan.”

 

“I did know that Rahne was raped? I suspected she was, yeah.”

 

“So why didn’t you tell me?” Dani asked, trying very hard not to sound accusing.

 

“‘Cause I really, really hoped that I was wrong. I didn’t want to think that they did something even worse to that poor kid than cut her up like a turkey at Thanksgiving. That’s why I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry I didn’t. But again, isn’t the point of this trip to be for you to stop worrying about Rahne? At least for ten freakin’ minutes.” 

 

“I know, Logan, I know,” Dani pressed the recline button on her seat and leaned back, “If you wouldn’t mind talking about it, what helped you overcome what Weapon X did to you?”

 

Logan bristled a little bit. He normally didn’t like to talk about his ‘dark time’, but it wasn’t something he was afraid to talk about either, when he had too, that is.

 

“Don’t know how much it will help ya’ really, but sure. The kindness of strangers really. When Mac and Heather found me in the woods, I was completely out of it. I attacked them for no good reason really, but they managed to take me out. They would have been within their rights to put me down right then and there, but they didn’t. They brought me back to their cabin and, luckily, managed to reach my humanity. Rahne just needs someone to help her thru this, a shoulder to cry on. You and Jean will do fine.”

 

“I hope.”

 

“Let’s talk about somethin’ else, okay? Something half way pleasant, at least.”

 

“Alright. So… how exactly did X-Stacy or whatever become an X-man? Did you guys forget about the half dozen mutants that you already trained? I’m sure any member of Generation X would make a better choice than some mutant prostitute. I mean, I’m sure Husk, Siryn or Sunspot would have worked in a jam!”

 

“Well, she did alright against the Church of Humanity… and we were short handed at the time,” Logan shrugged

 

“Yeah, so? You could have called me, or Jubilee or someone! Come on!”

 

“Promise not to tell?”

 

“Tell what?”

 

“Promise not to tell?” Wolverine asked again.

 

“Sure. I promise.”

 

“Bobby bribed me into talking the others into letting her join.” Wolverine confessed

 

“Iceman? I thought he was gay?”

 

“May as well be, what with his luck and all,” Logan muttered under his breath, “Nah, He’s just desperate. Really, really desperate. He promised to buy all my Cubans for a year and clean my bike whenever I needed it for the next six months. He made me promise not to tell, too.”

 

“So how exactly did you talk the others into letting her in?”

 

“I just told them about the deal I made with Bobby!” Logan smirked, “I had my toes crossed!”  They both enjoyed a good, long laugh at that; the first one Dani had really had since she learned what had happened to Rahne. 

 

 

It was around five o clock in the morning when Jean felt Rahne begin to stir. As Jean had spent the better part of the night creating and recreating a pleasant dream for Rahne, she was a little relieved. It was hard work, after all. Jean nudged Rahne on the shoulder to fully wake her.

 

“Rahne, I need your attention for a moment, sweetie. I need to tell you something.”

 

Rahne opened her eyes, attentive but silent.

 

“I’m going to move you out of here and into a bedroom in the guest house. I think you’ll like it there better.”

 

“I thought that ye an’ Scott lived there. I…I don’ want tae be a burden on anyone.” Rahne said softly.

 

-I can’t believe she’s still able to think about others after what’s happened to her- Jean thought to herself, “You’re not a burden on anyone, Rahne, and you won’t be. I just think that you’ll be more comfortable there than you are here.”

 

“But, I don’ think that I’m strong enough tae walk right now…”

 

“That’s not a problem, Rahne. You just relax and let me do all the work, okay?”

 

Jean used her telekinetic powers to lift Rahne slightly in the air and wrapped Rahne carefully in her blanket to keep her warm. Jean then picked her up, holding her in her arms like a mother might carry a young child. Once they were outside, Rahne tapped Jean gently on the shoulder to get her to stop.

 

“Is anything wrong, Rahne?”

 

“Ah don’ mean tae be a bother, but… ken I see… the sun rise? I… havenae seen it… in so long…”

 

“Of course, Rahne. I think I can even give you an even better view.” Jean said. She took to the air with Rahne and hovered over the mansion. As the sun came out over the horizon, Rahne, for the first time in a long time, shed a tear of joy. For her, the sunrise drove home the fact that she was free, finally free, if only physically. Free from the labs, from the pain, free from the living hell she had been thru for the last three months. To tell the truth, Rahne never expected to see it again after she had been captured, and so it was easily the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

 

“Thank ye so, so verra much.” She said softly

 

“Any time, Rahne.” Jean smiled, “Why don’t we get you to your room so you can get some more rest?”

 

“All right.”

 

Jean took Rahne to her room and carefully laid her down in the queen-sized bed. Jean decided not to tell Rahne that the bed had been hers and Scott's before they had decided to move Rahne in. Jean carefully placed Rahne on her back in bed and placed two pillows under her legs to elevate them and improve circulation. She then pulled the comforters over Rahne.

 

“I’ll be back in a few hours with your breakfast, okay Rahne?”

 

 Rahne didn’t respond, she was already fast asleep. Jean scanned her telepathically and was pleased to find that Rahne’s sleep was peaceful. Jean tucked her in and left. She almost turned the lights off before she caught herself.

 

-She’s deathly afraid of the dark now, remember?- Jean chided herself. Jean went to hers and Scott’s room (Scott was away on a mission) to try to catch a few hours of sleep before she had to get up and make breakfast for Rahne. She programmed the alarm clock to wake her up in about an hour and laid down in bed. She blinked, and heard the alarm go off.

 

-Already!?- Jean sighed. As she pulled herself up, she crushed the alarm clock into a little ball with her telekinesis. It was annoying, and every X-Man had a spare alarm clock in case they destroyed their’s.

 

 

Some people were, by nature, morning people. Cecelia Reyes was one of those people. She was awake by five thirty in the morning and fully awake at six. And so, she went about making the coffee for the schoolteachers and making her breakfast.

 

“I hate you, Cecelia Reyes.  You have no right to look so well rested this early in the morning.”

 

Cecelia turned and saw Jean Grey, who looked very, very tired, “Eh, what can I say? I used to always work the morning shift. Want some coffee, Jean?”

 

“For the love of god, yes.”

 

“I noticed that you moved Rahne this morning. Why didn’t you move her last night when she was asleep?” Cecelia asked as she handed Jean a cup of coffee. Jean took a long gulp, and sat silent for a moment.

 

“I just didn’t want Rahne to wake up in an unfamiliar room all of a sudden. I don’t want to think about how she would have taken it.”

 

“I don’t mean to pry, but why are you going to such lengths for Rahne? You didn’t know her all that well before this happened, after all.”

 

“I’ve had some time to think about that, last night. A lot of reasons, I suppose. Moira was a very good friend, to both the X-men and me. I know she would want us to look after her daughter for her in her place. Given everything Moira did for us, I think it’s the least we can do. Rahne was also an early student of the professor’s in the New Mutants, and we always look after our own. But the main reason, well, have I ever told you about mine and Scott’s twenty two year old daughter, Rachel?”

 

Cecelia nearly choked on her coffee, and took a few seconds to catch her breath. Jean just smiled and wished she had a camera to record the look on Cecelia’s face, it was truly priceless.  

 

“Uhh, Jean, I’m your doctor, and I can say for a fact that you’ve never given birth. And for you to have a twenty two year old daughter…that would be physically impossible considering your age! What on earth are you talking about?”

 

“True, I never have given birth. Although me and Scott have four biological children, all of whom are now grown adults.” Jean took another sip of her coffee while Cecelia just stood there, looking completely bewildered.

 

“It’s a long story, so I’ll try to summarize it as best I can.”

 

“Just about your daughter, though. I don’t know if I want to hear about all your other kids you have running around, my head just might explode.”

 

“Alright. You know what alternate future realties are, right?” As she started to explain, she reached out with her powers and took out a box of pancake mix from the cabinets and the milk from the fridge. 

 

“Hank has told me something about them. A future that might be, but isn’t guaranteed to come to pass, right?”

 

“Right. Rachel came from a reality where…she had a… traumatic upbringing before she escaped to our time.” Jean decided against telling Cecelia how Rachel was forced to hunt down and kill other mutants. Mainly because Rachel never liked to tell anyone about it herself and Jean wanted to honor that, but also Jean was still ashamed of how she had treated her, “When I first met her, for mainly selfish reasons, looking in retrospect, I rejected her in every way a person, a mother could. It wasn’t pretty. We eventually reconciled, but before I could really get to know her, she was gone.”

 

“How did she die?”

 

“ She, well…it’s… complicated. I guess long story short, Rahne just reminds me so much of Rachel. A young woman in incredible pain who needs someone. And I don’t want to fail another young woman in need again.” By now, Jean had already made the pan cake mix while talking to Cecelia. She turned an eye on, placed a skillet on the eye and poured the batter in, “ And like I told Hank, it needs to be done.”

 

 

When Jean’s alarm clock went off, it not only awoke Jean, but it woke Rahne was well. But Rahne didn’t mind it in the least. She had spent enough time asleep already as far as she was concerned. And she felt a lot better emotionally after her ‘confession’ to Dani.

 

-I shouldnae blamed muhself for what they did t’ me- She sighed. It was foolish and irrational, looking back. In truth, it wasn’t a conclusion she came to immediately. Her rape and her body’s subsequent betrayal had left her hurt and confused, to say the least. That pain was then combined with her grief over the death of her mother, which was made even worse by the daily torture and humiliation she suffered at the hands of the guards and doctors. She needed someone, anyone to blame for her pain and suffering. Rahne recognized now blaming herself was just an complicated case of stockholms, where a victim identifies with their captor. And like Reverend Craig, her foster father had taught her so long ago, she was to blame. Because she was touched by the devil, a demon, and the daughter of a whore.

 

-I wonder how he would react if he learned his former ward was cut up like a prize steer of the sakes o’ humans everywhere- She thought bitterly. Craig would always go on about how mutants were demons and that they needed to be wiped off the face of the earth for the sake of all god-fearing men. In fact, Reverend Craig went so far as to trying to lynch his ward immediately after she manifested her mutant ability to transform into a red wolf. Had it not been for Moira MacTaggert, Rahne’s foster mother, he would have killed her without a second thought.

 

-Well, he’s ruined muh life enough, and he’s nae aboot tae do me anymore harm- She thought to herself. Rather than brood about what had happened to her, something she couldn’t change, Rahne decided to see what she could still do. She knew that the damage done to her body was pretty extensive, but she was hopeful. She felt stronger now, far stronger than when she had been before, when depression was completely overtaking her. She attempted to lift her legs off the pillows, but couldn’t get them more than six inches into the air before the effort became too much.

 

-I’m as weak as a newborn babe now- she thought to herself. Half of her knew that she would physically never be the same. She had worked alongside the best doctors in the world as Moira’s lab assistant, after all, and she had learned a thing or two about the body. But half of her strongly refused to believe she would never fully recover. Not after the life she had led, the adventures she’s had.

 

-I’ve gone toe t' toe with the demons o’ hell, the M.L.F, Hell’s Belles and all kinds o’ scum. Who am I supposed t’ go from that…- Rahne tried and failed to lift her legs two more inches off the pillow, -…t’ this?-    

 

 

When Jean brought Rahne her breakfast, she didn’t bring Rahne just pancakes. She brought Rahne banana pancakes, eggs, bacon and a bowl of melon, as well as a glass of milk and orange juice. It was enough food to choke a horse and took some effort to prepare, but Jean didn’t much care.

 

-She can eat what wants, and that’ll be fine-She thought to herself as she placed the food on a tray designed to let a person eat breakfast in bed. She walked out of the kitchen and took the food to Rahne. As she opened the door to Rahne’s room, she could sense that Rahne was awake.

 

“Hope you’re hungry, Rahne, because I made the best breakfast I know how to make.”

 

“Ye shouldnae have, Jean. I’m nae all that hungry, really…”

 

Jean set the tray down in front of Rahne, “It’s alright dear. You just eat what you can and don’t worry about the rest, okay? I’ll be outside doing a little house keeping. Just ‘call’ me when you’re done or if you need me, alright?”

 

Jean left, and went to lie down on her bed while Rahne ate her breakfast, though she made sure not to fall asleep. After roughly forty minutes…

 

*Jean? I’ve finished…*

 

*I’ll be right there, sweet heart*

 

When Jean entered the room, she was surprised to find every last bit of food was gone from Rahne’s tray. Jean could barely hide her astonishment.

 

“Muh metabolism… is a little faster than most people’s…” Rahne explained, a little embarrassed by the fact she had eaten so much in one sitting.

 

“So I see.” Jean said. She lifted the tray with her powers, taking it out of the room and setting it down in the kitchen without leaving the room.

 

“I don’ mean tae sound ungrateful, but where’s Dani? She’s always hoverin’ aboot, frettin’ aboot me…”

 

“She had had some things she needed to take care of in New York. She should be back later tonight.”

 

“That’s good. I’ve been placing such a weight on her shoulders, wit’ muh problems an’ all…”

 

“Don’t say that, Rahne. We’re your friends, we care about you and you need our help right now. Sometimes, it’s just that simple.”

 

“I… suppose.”

 

“Are you ready to talk about what happened?”

 

“Nae really.” Rahne admitted

 

“Are you willing to talk about what happened?”

 

“I…I think so…”

 

Jean took Rahne’s hand in hers gently and placed her other hand on Rahne’s shoulder to comfort her, “I think you should try. We can stop whenever you like, but I think it would help a lot if you told me what happened.”

 

Rahne took a deep breath and a moment to collect herself, and began to describe the torture she suffered while she was held prisoner. Over the course of an hour, she described how the doctors would cut her stomach open to examine it’s workings while she was awake. Rahne went on to describe how they pulled her fingernails out while she was in her human form, and then forced her to transform into her half wolf form, so they could do it all over again. Rahne explained why she was now afraid of water, because of how the doctors placed her in freezing cold water half a dozen times to induce hypothermia to, in their words ‘better study it’s effects on the body’. Rahne described how certain guards would touch her sex while masturbating in front of her. Apparently they found her bound and bloodied form an erotic sight. Rahne had barely described three weeks captivity before she couldn’t continue anymore. Despite the painful emotions and memories she had drudged up, Rahne still felt as though she had a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Finally, someone, anyone knew how she suffered and cared… and Jean searched for something, anything, to say that would be comforting, reassuring and wouldn’t sound cliché’, but before she could say a word…

 

“Why did I survive, Jean? Why did I live… when everyone else… they took… died?” Rahne sobbed, “ Why do I …always live… while everyone around me… dies?”

 

“I don’t have an answer for you, Rahne, I wish I did. But it isn’t your fault that you survived and others didn’t. You were lucky to survive yourself, Rahne. There was nothing you could have done for those other victims, you know that.”

 

“It’s just that…isnae fair that I lived… when all those other poor souls died like they did! I could always hear the screams… of those the doctors were torturin’, even thru the walls, even when I slept! I… ken still hear them now! It’s jus’ nae right…Maybe I shid have died with them…”

 

“There was nothing, and I mean nothing that you could have done for the other victims of the labs, Rahne. You didn’t kill them, and you couldn’t have saved them. I know it’s hard to accept, but sometimes you can’t save everyone. Please, don’t blame yourself for something you had no control over.” Jean said forcefully.

 

“ It’s just that…muh… I…why…why does god hate me… so… much?”

 

“God doesn’t hate you, Rahne. He just works in mysterious ways.”

 

“DON’T GIVE ME THAT! That’s all anyone seems tae say about all the pain and suffering on earth!”

 

Jean was taken back by the force of Rahne’s statement, but not nearly as much as Rahne herself seemed to be…

 

“I’m…I’m sorry fer snappin’ at ye like that, Jean. It’s just that… that’s all I’ve e’er heard… whenever I ask why? Why does muh father hate me? Why was I orphaned twice before muh nineteenth birthday? An’ I…am …so… sick …and… tired o’ it!” Rahne choked.

 

“I know sometimes it’s hard to accept or believe, Rahne, but it’s truer than you know. I admit that I’m no expert on theology, but I’ve seen enough to in life to convince me that god does indeed work in mysterious ways. When John Walsh’s son was murdered, he started a program that has brought hundreds of criminals to justice and saved countless lives…”

 

“On Fox, no less.” Rahne remarked. 

 

“See my point?” Jean joked, trying to break the tension, “ Who would have thought that one woman refusing to give up her seat on a bus would have sparked the civil rights movement? The events of September 11^th have certainly helped bring this nation together, too. I’m sure Moira never expected to find “…the sweetest child in all of Scotland running from a mob of fools…” when she went for a walk all those years ago.”

 

“I guess. It’s jus’ that, they cut me up… like a…a lab rat and stripped me o’ muh dignity as a woman, as a human bein’! They violated me… in any an’ every way they could! They had no right to do what they did t’ me! What good ken possibly come o’ that?”

 

Jean looked Rahne in the eyes, and cursed the fact that she wasn’t a better liar, “I don’t know, Rahne. I really don’t. But that’s not my concern. My concern is making you better and helping you heal. I don’t care much about anything else other than that right now.”

 

“I don’ think that I’ll ever be the same again…” Rahne sobbed.

 

Jean put her arm around Rahne’s shoulder and gently pulled her closer,

 

“But that doesn’t mean you won’t ever be better. I do believe, with all my heart, that the weight we carry on our shoulders can only make us stronger.”