Marvel Fanfare #57 - December 2007

"A CHRISTMAS STORY"

Featuring the Starjammers!

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

Outer Rings of Dentar III

The steady thrum of the engines and the clanking of booted feet upon the metallic floors filled the air, speaking of the daily life within a spaceship. Only a soul was stirring as what passed for night was in effect. Sleep hadn’t been kind to Christopher Summers, the space pirate known as Corsair throughout the cosmos. Then again the life of a space pirate never lent itself to a good nights sleep. Might have had something to do with all the space battles and the law of numerous systems always breathing down one’s neck. Or just insomnia. One could never be sure. Except for this one time.

This time Corsair knew exactly what it was that bothered him. Not in precise terms but a general idea at least. It had all started hours earlier on the planet of Dentar II…

Hours Earlier

Weapons fire splattered against the weakening walls of the planet side transport. Minutes before two well armed guards had been inside, watching over a large stash of governmental money earmarked for trade with the Shi’ar. Perfect pickings for the Starjammers. Those two guards now lay splayed out upon the ground, the large green reptilian Saurian Ch’od standing over them. Setting aside the large gun the hulking alien usually carried, he had dragged the two bodies to the side allowing a sparkling transport beam to appear where they once lay.

The beam had condensed and Corsair and the half cyborg and half Shi’ar crew mate Raza joined their companion.

“Easssssy as cake captain.”

“That’s easy as pi…never mind.” The Saurian had tried unsuccessfully over the years to pick up the human captain’s Earth sayings. It was easier to just allow the butchering than to correct. That was a hard lesson Corsair wouldn’t soon forget. “Collect their weapons and let’s get the da’st out of here before the back-up realizes what is going on.”

Just at that moment was when the weapons fire had begun. It pummeled the walls of the transport incessantly, the guards apparently not worried about hurting their fellows or assuming that the pirates had already killed them. Either way it wasn’t good for the Starjammers trapped within.

“You were saying Captain?” Raza held tight to the hilt of is trademark sword, eying their surroundings and the fortune they had come for.

The communicator upon Corsair’s wrist sparked to life. “Getting crowded up here. Guns heating up I, shoot them down.”

Muttering slightly as the Mephistoid woman that was his life mate let her aggression control her once again. “No Zee, just fire warning shots. Do not, I repeat, do not open aggression with the Dentarians. I need you close to planet side for a transport in a few minutes. Stand by on my mark.”

Silencing the communicator, he eyed the fortune they came for. “All right, let’s do this boys.”

A transponder beacon was dropped on the stack of crates with their new fortune, and hands motioned the two crew men to join it. “Come now gentleman, get comfy with the money. I know I will be later.”

“Captain, will thee not come with?” Raza let his displeasure color his face, not one that would be okay with leaving a man behind especially when it came to the captain.

“Not just yet old friend. Our friends out there deserve a good show I think. Tell Zee to prepare the transport for my signal, and once you’re back tell Keeyah to prepare for full burn.” A finger lit up the comm watch. “Zee, now.”

In a flash of light the cargo and the two crew members were gone. Moving over he fallen guards and through the divider to the cockpit, he settled into the drivers seat so to speak. The controls were pretty straightforward and not too different from a standard truck back on Earth. “Good, I’ll be able to understand it well enough to crash it I suppose.”

Muttering, the space captain gripped the controls and pushed the transport forward. As the large vehicle lumbered forward, the back up guards scrambled for their own transports. Their weapons fire slammed into the back and began to buckle the doors. Cursing, Corsair wrenched the control yoke to the side and sent the transport spiraling around a corner. Regaining control he pushed the propulsion to it’s maximum, still not even close to enough to outrun most of the pursuit vehicles.

“All right boys and girls, we see here what separates the crafty pirates from the born and bred soldier class.” A flick of a switch on the watch sent the signal to prepare for transport. A large building loomed up ahead. A few key strokes later along with a well timed weapon blast caused the vehicle brakes to give out and set the doom of the vehicle. “Here’s hoping Zee’s still got those quick fingers.”

The world vanished as a fireball blossomed around the crashing vehicle. Everything returned to vision as the human found himself on the ground of the transport chamber back aboard the Starjammer. A large smile spread across his face.

The stockings were hung from the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas would be there;

Now

The money was secure in their hold, and the crew slept happily and content in their bunks. After the biggest score of their careers, they had reason to celebrate. Not a life had been lost and they were presumed dead for the most part by the Dentarians. While hiding in the rings of the next planet to avoid detection, they had broken out the drinks and other accouterments of celebration. Hepzibah had been especially amorous that evening, dragging the captain down below to their bunk for quite the vigorous workout. All leading to where Christopher found himself at the moment.

Sighing, a hand ran through his hair as the door to the bridge slid open. Lights blinked and flashed as the automated systems went about their work. Sliding into the large seat in the middle of the room, he stared out at the star field within the view-screen.

“Good evening captain. All systems operating at maximum capacity. No malfunctions or contacts to report at this time.”

The disembodied voice of the A.I Waldo drifted down, bringing the man out of his trance. With Keeyah as their flesh and blood pilot, and after the numerous times Waldo’s physical body had been damaged and or destroyed, Ch’od and Raza had ended up installing the A.I permanently into the ship’s systems. The back-up gave them a sense of security and kept one from having to monitor ship systems at all times. They could have nights like the one they enjoyed.

“Good to hear Waldo.” There was still something nagging at the back of his mind about the days’ haul. The Dentarian’s had never been the type to engage in trades with large empires like the Shi’ar. They had weapons and weren’t pacifist by any means but they shied out of large universal battles and from supporting such large entities. That made the current pay off seem even stranger.

“Waldo…when we scanned the information on the Dentarian trade with the Shi’ar, did we look into what the Shi’ar were using the money for?”

“Negative captain. The information wasn’t deemed necessary to the acquisition of the cargo in question. Would you like me to find such information now?”

“Yes…”

“One moment. Processing information now.”

Calloused fingers tapped against the armrest of the chair, impatience evident. The feeling of wrong was growing by the minute. None of it added up and there had to be something else. Something he was missing…

“Funds from Dentar II to Shi’ar Imperium were to be delegated to the Ral’Deen Home for Children of Military Casualties.”

“…Da’st me.”

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap

Chandilar Orbit

Later

The fighting between Raza and Hephzibah had woken the entire ship once Corsair revealed his plan to them. There was no way they could keep the funds. Not when they belonged rightfully to Orphans. Christopher had been called many things in his life. Cursed daily for his sins and crimes. But there was one thing even he wouldn’t stoop to, stealing from children.

Hepzibah sulked in the corner as the ship managed to avoid detection as they reached the home world of the Shi’ar. If the Starjammer was detected it would not be a good thing. Their last visit was anything but pleasant. Sliding into orbit, they knew what had to be done.

“Raza, you’re with me. Ch’od, keep us out of sight. Hep….just don’t mess anything up okay.” The Mephistoid hissed in anger before leaving the bridge in a huff. The human would pay for that later.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and tiny eight reindeer,

Minutes later the transport beam condensed in the middle of the orphanage. The money appeared as well, still safe and secure within it’s sealed containers. Not a single bit was missing. Along with the money sat boxes of food and clothing and simple supplies that were easy to spare. The Starjammers would be on low rations and supplies for a short time, but in the end it was worth it. Rocket owed them anyways, and they always collected.

Far above in the night sky twin stars sparkled and shone brightly. There were strange decorations hung all about as the two men moved away from the stash. Eying all around, Christopher got the idea that something special was coming. “It’s a special day isn't it? That’s why the transport was today.”

“Indeed. The celebration of the marriage of Sharra and K’ythri is celebrated today. It is similar to the holiday upon thy planet…Chrismas?”

“Christmas.” The words barely fell off the man’s lips.

“Ah yes, Christmas. Tis a day of great celebration. I miss it greatly many days.”

“Let’s get back to the ship.”

The cybernetic man nodded and called for transport back to the ship. As they stood ready to leave, a small head peeked around the corner to see the giant pile and the two men. As Raza focused on communicating with the ship, Christopher noticed the young boy. A small smile was offered as the boy’s eyes widened as the flash of teleportation took the other men away. The boy was left standing alone, a great blessing in the center of the room.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On Cupid! On Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!.”

THE END

"ASK NOT FOR WHOM
THE BELL TOLLS!"

Featuring She-Hulk!

Written by D. Golightly

NOTE: This story does not take place in M2K continuity. It's just plain silly and doesn't count for anything except my word count. Yes, I wrote this with selfish thoughts in mind. Read it anyway.

Soft flakes of white snow, unhindered by the pollution of New York City, blanketed the sidewalk. No sooner would a single flake fall than it would be trampled on by the foot of an eager shopper. With the holiday season well underway, the good folks of New York had their shopping to do, despite the efforts of Old Man Winter to slow them down.

Outside the largest department store in the city stood a tall, slender figure ringing a bell. Her low red coat covered her legs and brushed the building snow around her, wetting the fringes of white fur.

She rung her bell almost relentlessly, hoping to both invoke good cheer in her fellow citizens and draw out a holiday tithe from them. As it stood, regardless of her choice location outside a major shopping area, her bucket sat mostly empty.

A pair of New York yuppies, dressed to the nines, sauntered up to the doorway of the department store. They laughed at inane jokes aimed at a homeless man around the corner, whose image was already blurred in their minds.

The bell-ringer sized them up and her eyes narrowed. Just before they passed over the carpet to enter the storefront, she jumped in front of them and shook her bell furiously.

"Happy holidays!" she all but hollered as they sprung a step back in surprise. "Make a donation?"

One yuppie looked at the other and couldn't help but curl his lip back in disgust. "Lady," he said with a yuppie attitude, "The taxes I pay are enough of a donation. Thanks."

The yuppies rejoined arms and stepped by the bell-ringer, but not before the woman yuppie cast a sidelong glance over her shoulder, saying, "You look green. Green is not in this year anymore."

Furled, furious, frocked, and fired-up, the bell-ringer ripped her Santa Claus hat off, crumpling it in her mitten covered hand, and said, "Of course I look green! I'm the sensational She-Hulk! What else would I be?"

The yuppies scampered off into the department store, along with many of the other potential customers. Seeing her outburst, a mother with two children abruptly turned around and re-entered the store to get away from her.

She-Hulk slapped her red hat back onto her head and groaned. This was horrible. Three hours in the cold and she barely had fifty dollars to show for it. The Donation Air Force was going to be very upset with her if she didn't bring in some more dough. They would even take her corner away from her.

Of course, the money collected would go toward helping children with diseases and old people with broken hips. That was what really counted.

Although this was obviously the best place to collect, because once she hit her quota she could go inside and get those nice green pumps she had seen in the window...

"You're doing it all wrong," a shaky and dark voice said behind her, causing She-Hulk to nearly fall over from surprise. "You need to be less aggressive and more loud."

She-Hulk spun around and saw the person who had spoken, if he could even be called a person anymore. His head took up the majority of his body, which was sealed away in a floating golden chair. His limbs, mostly useless and barely moveable, hung at his sides. His large white and vacant eyes stared her down with a look of malice and intrigue.

"Oh, my God," She-Hulk said. She had known this crazed killer to be brutal and harsh, having tortured several of her friends in the Avengers. She took a step back and raised the bell over her head, ready to strike...when she looked on top of the newcomer's massive head. She smiled and suppressed a giggle. "Oh...my God..."

Hovering in front of her was the leader of A.I.M., the insane and brilliant MODOK. And resting atop his cumbersome head was an equally cumbersome red Santa Claus cap, complete with furry white ball at the tip.

"Do not amuse yourself with this!" MODOK said, scowling. "It would be very unwise to upset me, even if it is a time for cheer and good will."

She-Hulk noticed a tiny bell barely grasped in his tiny hand. "What are you doing here?" she demanded. "Don't tell me you are volunteering..."

MODOK growled a reply. "As humiliating as it is, yes, it is true. I, the greatest and most intelligent creation the world has ever known, am reducing my parole time by volunteering for the Donation Air Force."

She-Hulk couldn't hold back her laughter anymore. The sight was too much. She released a pent up guffaw and pointed at the supervillain, holding her stomach to keep from throwing up as she was laughing so hard.

"Be silent," MODOK commanded.

She-Hulk managed to stifle her laughter and wipe away the tears forming in her eyes. "Well, good luck. These people aren't coughing up a red cent."

"As I said," MODOK replied, "it is because you are doing it all wrong. It doesn't take my genius level intellect to realize that."

"And you're the expert all of a sudden?"

MODOK narrowed his huge eyes. "Tonight, as per the conditions of my court agreement, I am no longer the MODOK you have come to fear."

The leader of A.I.M. turned away from She-Hulk and faced the busy New York sidewalk. "Tonight," he continued, "I am the Mobile Organism Designed Only for Kollecting!"

MODOK began to swing his bell as quickly as his little arm would allow. Sweat started to pour down his massive face as the exertion built, and after less than ten seconds he had to stop and get his breath back.

She-Hulk waited for him to regain his normal breathing and said, "Collecting starts with a C."

"Tonight...it starts with a K."

She-Hulk felt the need to argue, but another couple started to walk toward them. Amazingly, they both pitched in a ten dollar bill as they paced by MODOK swinging his tiny bell. As sensational as she thought she was, she had to admit that was the biggest donation of the night by far.

She looked over the evil creature and decided that, just this one time, without telling her fellow heroes, she would team-up with the ruthless madman for the greater good. She hunched down beside him and started swinging her own bell just as wildly as MODOK.

After all, it was the holiday season.

And those green pumps weren’t going to buy themselves.

THE END

“DON'T EAT THE ELVES"

Featuring the Moon Boy & Devil Dinosaur!

Written by Hunter Lambright

Author’s Note: I’m not sure what went through my head while writing this story. I’m not sure it even makes sense. It just…happened.

The North Pole

“Where the hell is Santa Claus?”

Mrs. Claus rocked back and forth in her rocking chair. “Are you sure he isn’t doing one of those speed routes? You can’t see him all that well on the tracker with those,” she said uneasily.

Leon, the head elf, shook his head. “It’s not like that, Missus. We can’t find Santa anywhere on the map. From what we could understand, he was done early and heading back home for the usual day of spending Christmas with you before we get back to work
for next year. But last we saw…he was heading to the wrong pole.”

Standing up, Mrs. Claus put her hands on her hips. “I’m going to kill him,” she said. “He can ho-ho-ho all he wants, but…grah!”

“Uh…Mrs. Claus?” Leon asked, cowering. “What’s wrong, Missus?”

“I guarantee he put down too much eggnog again, the old coot!” she shouted. She threw one of her knitting needles in anger. It stuck in the stone fireplace and wobbled with a twanging noise. “Last time he did that, he inspired that godforsaken Dickens book!”

“Oh, dear,” Leon said, biting nervously at his fingernails. “I know! I’ll bring him back, Missus!”

“You’d do that? For me?” Mrs. Claus asked, her eyes bright and grandmotherly once more. “Take one of those reindeer no one cares about and a handful of elves. I’ll send you the coordinates when I find them. Got it?” Her eyes burned into him.

“G-got it, Missus,” said Leon, and he rushed to rustle up the reindeer.

The Savage Land

There were some who believed that dinosaurs were extinct, a type of creature long since lost to the sands of time. Those who believed that didn’t know about a land at the southern tip of the planet, sustained by alien technology to provide a tropical atmosphere for the creatures of centuries past. They called this place the Savage Land, one of the most tranquil places on the planet Earth.

“ROOOOOOAR!” shouted a monstrous, red Tyrannosaurus Rex, bellowing into the sun. “ROOOOOOooooOOOOOARRRRR!”

A short man covered from in hair except for places on his face, hands, and feet, clung onto the dinosaur’s neck. “No, Devil! Don’t be angry at the sun!” he said in his home tongue. “It comes up every day!”

Devil Dinosaur turned to his companion with a look that said, “I’m not stupid. It’s not the sun.”

“Then what is it?” Moon Boy asked, swinging down from Devil Dinosaur’s back. “Have you found the way back to our world?”

Moon Boy covered his face at the bursts of wind as Devil Dinosaur shook his head. The gigantic lizard turned his head in the direction of the son. Moon Boy covered his eyes with his hand and squinted. There, rising from the jungle a ways off, was a trickle of smoke. “Good idea, Devil Dinosaur! Let’s see if they need help!” He scampered off into the jungle.

Devil Dinosaur shook his head. All he had meant to ask was if Moon Boy thought whoever was at the crash site would be edible. Realizing he had been left behind, Devil Dinosaur roared and crashed in through the jungle after Moon Boy.

“How close are we?” Leon asked, looking at Poe and Crow, twin elves who he had chosen to accompany him on Operation: Ho³ Recovery. They were both short and squat, mustachioed fellows with little personality but who knew how to follow orders. Both wore red shirts.

“Sensor tells us we’re closing in on the sleigh,” Crow said, brushing a finger up against his mustache.

Leon’s brow furrowed. “The sleigh? I asked about Claus himself.”

“You think we plugged a piece of silicon into his butt?” Poe asked. “The old man refused. I thought it was because he didn’t want the missus knowing just what he was doing after he got done with the toys, if you know what I mean.”

Crow laughed. “And to think the Catholics sainted the old bastard,” he chuckled. “Miracles he’s got, but saintliness is another story.”

“Shut up before I write you up for treason or something,” Leon muttered. “We need to find him before things go downhill or it could get nasty. Who knows? A dinosaur already ate him, probably.”

In the wreckage of his sleigh, Santa Claus groaned loudly, burping proudly the remnants of the last night’s alcohol consumption. “What a night!” he muttered, giggling ecstatically. All he could remember was something about a mother and some mistletoe, and who knows what all else that kid had witnessed, but in the end, did it really matter? Woo, what a night indeed, he thought, though his giggles turned to groans as his stomach turned again in the throes of the hangover.

There was a thudding noise and Santa quickly became aware of the fact that he was setting profusely. “Something tells me I’m not in the North Pole anymore, Toto,” he said deliriously the Rudolph, who stood cautiously with the other reindeer. As the thudding grew closer, the reindeer scattered, taking off into the air in a shower of sparkling dust that would have had an amazing effect against a snowy backdrop. “Forget this,” they thought in unison. “We’re telling the union about this one.”

Santa rolled over onto his knees in the dirty, looking around. “Where’d ya go?” he muttered. “Rascals!”

Then the trees parted and the thudding stopped. Santa looked over his shoulder and saw something he never imagined seeing in his lifetime. It was a gigantic, red Tyrannosaurus Rex. There was a monkey man on its back yelling gibberish.

“Look, Devil! It is a red-dressed man from the human countries!” Moon Boy exclaimed in his own language. “How can we help him? He seems lost!”

Devil Dinosaur’s jaw snapped open and shut several times, as if to say, “I don’t care if he’s lost. He looks delicious. His belly must be full of jelly.”

“Ho, ho, ho?” Santa asked, peering up in the sunlight at Devil Dinosaur. “Something tells me you were on the, uh, nice list this year.”

“What is he talking about?” Moon Boy asked, looking down into Devil Dinosaur’s gargantuan eyes. “Is he a Fallen Angel? They were nice people.”

Devil Dinosaur shook his head and groaned.

There was a rustling in the underbrush and, suddenly, Leon, Crow, and Poe burst out of the greenery. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here, Santa Claus!” Leon exclaimed. “Your wife was going to hand me by my pointy little ears if I didn’t get you back before nightfall!”

“My wife can hang herself by her ears,” Santa muttered, grunting as he forced his girth into a standing position. He wobbled slightly but managed to stay upright. “She’s been nagging me for years about my weight when there are plenty of women who can appreciate all the man that I am, if you know what I mean.”

Leon made a face, but didn’t argue. He looked around. “Hey, where did Poe and Crow go?”

“Did you intend to rhyme?” Santa asked, wearing a silly, half-drunk grin.

Leon shook his head. “I’m serious, Mr. Claus! They’re gone!” He looked up at Devil Dinosaur who gulped, then spread his short arms in a shrugging position. “Did you eat them?!”

“Like it matters?” Santa asked. “We have bigger problems. Mrs. Claus is going to throw a fit if you tell her what happened, Leon. She can’t know that I’ve been giving kids a reason to say they saw mommy kissing Santa Claus for decades now.”

Leon paused. “Uh, sir? I didn’t know that until just now.”

Santa chewed this over for a moment. “Well, damn.” He looked at the bulging mass in Devil Dinosaur’s stomach. “You said he ate some elves? I need to work off some aggression…”

“Run!” Moon Boy shouted as Devil Dinosaur crashed through the jungle. “Fat man is coming! Fat man is coming!”

Santa ran after them, surprisingly agile for his size. The magic sleigh drew on behind him, floating of its own accord after its master while Leon held on for his life, in tow. Then Santa bellowed, “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen. And don’t you dare think I have the gall to forget the most famous reindeer of all—on Rudolph!”

They darted out of the sky, visible only as brown bullets. Devil Dinosaur found himself subject to sharp kicks and prods from hooves and antlers from assailants that disappeared before he even felt the pain.

“Problem!” Moon Boy shouted. “Problem!”

“Get the savage!” Santa Claus yelled, and a reindeer scooped Moon Boy up off Devil Dinosaur’s back into its antlers. Moon Boy rolled backwards onto the reindeer’s back and grabbed on with all four limbs as the reindeer moved faster and faster.

Devil Dinosaur roared and flicked his tail, knocking two reindeer into tree trunks. Out of the corner of his eye the red, wooden sleigh came crashing towards his head. Devil Dinosaur ducked and watched as Leon the elf flew out of the skidding sleigh into the underbrush. He turned around and realized that the sleigh was a distraction. Santa sucker punched him in the stomach. Devil Dinosaur reared up and screamed to the sky. He roar was so loud that it brought Santa to his knees.

Seeing an opportunity, Devil Dinosaur brought his talons down on Santa, flattening the man against the wild, spiraling roots of a jungle tree. He brought his head lower, breathing hot, damp breath onto Santa Claus. His teeth grinded together.

“Stop!” shouted Leon. He stood next to Blitzen and held a razor sharp candy cane against Moon Boy’s throat. “Let Santa go or your monkey friend bites it!”

Devil Dinosaur looked at Leon with an “Are you kidding me?” look and opened his jaws wide over Santa’s head.

“No!” shouted Leon. He rushed forward. “Here, take your friend back. Just don’t eat jolly old Saint Nicholas, please? He’s adored by children all over the world?”

“Do I care?” was the underlying message behind Devil Dinosaur’s narrowed eyes.

Leon rushed forward again. “No! Please, no! You already ate my redshirts. Surely you can’t dine on the embodiment of Christmas cheer as well!”

Devil Dinosaur sighed and his stomach rumbled, which sent a strong enough message: “Embodiment of Christmas cheer? Darn it. Christmas cheer gives me stomach aches.”

Moon Boy bounded up onto Devil Dinosaur’s neck. “That’s why I told you not to eat the elves, Devil.” He grinned his silly, monkey grin.

Santa Claus got to his feet and brushed the dirt off his red, velveteen suit. “Thank you for your mercy, Dinosaur,” he said. “Poe and Crow were two of my least favorite elves and they rarely got anything done in the workshop. You’ve done me a favor.”

“Got any more?” read the longing look in Devil Dinosaur’s eyes.

Santa ho-ho-hoed. “We’ll see,” he said, still chuckling as he made his way over to his magic sleigh. “Now, Leon, how can we make a cover story so that Mrs. Claus won’t know I was sleeping with a MILF last night?”

Leon shrugged. “You just got drunk. Who knows what you did when you were drunk? I certainly don’t.”

Santa shrugged. “I like the way you think. Can she argue with that?”

Leon snorted. “You should have seen the way she was acting last night. She would have put Snow White to shame if you know what I mean. Definitely more than seven elves.”

Santa darkened. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” He climbed into the sleigh and Leon tumbled in after him. As the sleigh rose into the air, he thought aloud, “So, how do we explain what happened to Poe and Crow?”

“Uh…a dinosaur ate them?” Leon asked, and both burst out laughing as the sleigh flew off into the sky.

Moon Boy and Devil Dinosaur looked up after the sleigh until it disappeared from sight. “Those people were strange. I wish we could go home, Devil.”

Devil Dinosaur moaned in agreement. Then he patted his stomach as if to say, “But as long as these things taste so good, I’m not sure I could ever leave…”

THE END

"OVER THE RIVER
AND THROUGH THE WOORDS"

Featuring Agatha Harkness!

Written by Dale W. Glaser

The man paused at the edge of the frozen river and considered its glassy surface. He could almost see himself reflected in the ice: his wind-tousled hair and longish beard might have once been blond or red or brown but was now predominantly gray, with a few lighter strands showing that, in time, all would be pure white. The wind gusted and the man pulled his heavy green cloak tighter around him, grateful for its fur lining. He looked upstream, then downstream, but could not see a bridge in either direction. He took a final appraisal of the rime on the waterway, adjusted the pack slung over his shoulder, and stepped onto the ice.

He was halfway across the slick surface when the ice began to groan ominously under his weight. He pressed ahead, and after two more steps heard a sharp crack. As the ice under his back heel collapsed, his stomach lurched, then rose to his throat as an unnaturally powerful wind caught him from behind, stopping his fall and bearing him up on a wave of frosty air that deposited him safely on the far bank of the river. The man stumbled but quickly righted himself and turned in a slow circle, looking for any explanation for the phenomenon.

He felt a sinuous movement against his leg at the hem of his cloak, and looked down to see a black cat rubbing against his shins. The cat's sudden appearance was unnerving, moreso when it turned its face up to the man's. The cat's eyes were as solidly black as its sleek fur, and sparkling with an eerie intelligence.

"I believe Ebony likes you," a woman's voice attested. "That is not a favor bestowed lightly, or on more than a select few."

The man turned toward the sound of the voice and his mind reeled further at the sight of its owner. A beautiful golden-haired young woman walked toward him, seemingly having stepped out of thin air. She wore a violet cloak carelessly draped over a pink gown, both colors so intense that they seemed the finery of royalty, or possibly the angels in Heaven. The woman smiled at the man, as if secretly pleased by something highly amusing. The cat Ebony sauntered to the woman and leapt lightly into her arms.

"I ... feel like I should thank you," the man said uncertainly. "For saving me. From falling into the river. Although ... I do not know how that should be possible."

"I accept your thanks," the woman nodded courteously. "Many things are possible, for those with the proper knowledge."

"I am fortunate that you and your knowledge were close at hand when I needed them most, then," the man pointed out.

"Yes and no," the woman replied. "My presence has kept you warm and dry, for now, but my reasons for guarding over you in the first place are a mark of your great misfortune, which I hope to forestall from becoming tragedy."

"Guarding over me?" the man asked with renewed skepticism. "My lady, do you know me?"

"I do not know your name," the woman admitted. "But that is easily remedied, if you wish."

"Nicholas," the man introduced himself.

"Nicholas," the woman repeated. "A fine name for a lad. And I am Agatha." With that, she dropped an elegant curtsey.

"You have a strange manner of speaking to your elders, my lady Agatha," Nicholas shook his head. "I have not been a lad in some time, and you are no more than a few years removed from girlish play."

"I am older than you think," Agatha demurred. "But come, we must keep you on your path."

"But you have not told me ..."

"I will explain as we make our way. Come, come," she beckoned, moving unerringly in the direction Nicholas had planned to go once he crossed the river. He fell in step beside her.

"I have sensed a great evil approaching, Nicholas," Agatha began, stroking Ebony's head. "It stalks you even now. And even though I did not know you, I knew I must oppose the demon at your heels, because whenever such evil achieves its aims, all mankind ultimately suffers as a result."

Nicholas glanced uncomfortably back over his shoulder. "A demon? What demon would single me out for torment? I ... I am as much a sinner as any child of Adam and Eve, but how can visiting evil on me cause more suffering?"

"What do you carry in your pack?" Agatha asked.

Nicholas hesitated and eyed her warily, but relented and spoke: "Some food for my journey, some to share when I reach my destination, and some humble play-things for the children whose house I am bound for. And ... a sum of gold coins for their mother, who desperately needs it to survive the winter. I hope that by bringing gifts to all, the mother will not be embarrassed by my charity in front of her children."

"This mother and her children, are they family of yours?" Agatha asked.

Nicholas shook his head. "I heard of their struggles and wanted to aid them. What else can a Christian man do?"

"You may be less a sinner than most," Agatha observed, a smile quirking her winsome lips. "You may very well be a saint, Nick…"

Nicholas scoffed. "Are you warning me that a demon intends to rob me? What need has a demon for gold?"

"None," Agatha agreed. "But as you said, the mother you would give the gold has great need. The demon acts at the behest of its master, the dark Chthon, who seeks to return to Earth and enslave us all. Chthon may see into the future, to a day when the mother's children, or their grandchildren's grandchildren, could rise up and oppose his malignant will. For that reason, he sends his servant now, at a crucial juncture where he perceives weakness and unreadiness. But the servant will fail, because he did not anticipate me."

Nicholas stared sidelong at Agatha, baffled by her pronouncements, yet believing them due to the sheer force of the beautiful woman's will. Agatha's gaze remained forward as they hurriedly passed from field to forest and trees grew thicker around them, and Nicholas's eyes were drawn to Ebony's. The black cat blinked and meowed, as if confirming everything Agatha had said.

Creatures of the woods moved through the undergrowth, just out of sight, but the sounds of their passing left little doubt: the animals were racing in the opposite direction of Agatha and Nicholas, fleeing something that lay just ahead. Soon the forest was eerily silent, and Agatha came to a halt, holding up a slender hand to bid Nicholas to stop as well.

The demon stepped into view, emerging from between two treetrunks but also emerging from between folds in the fabric of reality itself, violating the certainties of the material world ina way that filled Nicholas with a sick fear. The fiendish creature was massive, yet so hunched that its upper torso was hook-shaped, allowing its broad, spade-like head to dangle pendulously below a crest of jagged, bony protrusions. Its limbs were rigid and emaciated, and moved with insectile strangeness. The demon's skin was the deep fiery color of banked coals, with a sparse covering of dark bristles. As it moved to block the path of Agatha and Nicholas, its blazing orange eyes narrowed with menace.

Ebony leapt out of Agatha's arms and rapidly expanded in mid-arc, landing on the demon's shoulders in the form of a ferocious black panther. Ebony clawed and bit at the fiend, but the bone spikes prevented any of the cat's attacks from scoring deeply in the demon's flesh. The demon reached up with one taloned hand and pulled Ebony down hard, stunning Agatha's familiar with the sudden impact against the cold forest floor.

With unnatural speed, the demon threw itself at Nicholas, talons splayed. Nicholas staggered backward but reflexively lashed out with a clenched fist, striking the demon in the flat, noseless flesh between its glowing eyes and its fanged maw, flesh that was as hot as a blacksmith's forge. The demon's head snapped back into the hollow curvature of its warped upper body, but its talons still connected with Nicholas's midsection, rending flesh and drawing a scream of pain as well as blood. Nicholas went down on his back and the servant of Chthon landed atop him.

Before the demon could inflict further injury on Nicholas, a branch of a nearby evergreen tree wrapped itself around the fiend's leg and pulled it upwards. The demon shrieked and slashed at the needle-covered bough, only to find its arm snared by another evergreen branch. Agatha stood with her arms upraised, and ribbons of shimmering light connected her hands to the trees, which responded to her thoughts and the delicate motions of her fingers. The demon writhed and flailed in the animate branches' grasp, and Agatha's face became a masque of concentration, her brows knitted and her lips vanishing in a thin, taut line.

Nicholas pulled himself to his feet and unslung his pack. He drew a hunk of cheese from the pack and threw it at the demon's head. Melting almost instantly, the cheese splattered across the fiend's face, oozing into its eyes, and the demon roared with rage.

Agatha thrust one hand to her side and the other straight upwards. One tree released the demon's arms, allowing it to dangle by its taloned feet from the second tree's entwining limbs. Then the first tree bowed and bent nearly in half, driving its pointed tip into the demon's heart. The demon's grievous death throes were frenzied but brief, and Agatha soon lowered her hands. The weight of the demon's body snapped off the top of the evergreen tree as it resumed its sentinel pose, and the demon hit the forest floor with a thud.

Agatha moved to Nicholas's side and laid a hand on his stomach, all while speaking softly in a language powerful yet unfamiliar. Nicholas looked down to see the wound perfectly healed, and regarded Agatha with new admiration. "A miracle," he contended.

"Something like that," Agatha smiled.

"Is it over, then?" Nicholas asked. "Or will devils without number plague my steps?"

"I believe the greatest danger has passed," Agatha said. "But you would do well to be cautious. Take the branches from the demon's breast, and you may find it a potent ward against others of Chthon's brood."

Nicholas crossed to the demon's corpse. Ebony, recovered from the stunning blow and resuming once again the shape of a small black cat, passed him and padded to Agatha's side. Nicholas grasped the top of the evergreen and slid it out of the fiend. Glittering silvery blood stuck in strands to the needles, which Nicholas found oddly beautiful.

"Fare you well, Nicholas," Agatha said as she collected her cat into her arms.

"You go no further with me?" Nicholas asked, unable to hide an unexpected disappointment.

Agatha shook her head. "The evil that drew me to you has been vanquished, and my path now leads in a different direction. Stay true to your own."

Nicholas nodded reluctantly. "Fare you well, Agatha. And my thanks again." With that, he turned to continue his journey.

"Nicholas?" Agatha called. He turned back and raised an eyebrow quizzically. "You will need a new cloak," Agatha pointed out, noting the ragged tears made by the demon's talons. "The green suits you, but might I suggest red? Purple, pink, red, these colors are ... good luck against the dark creatures. Red would be best for you."

Nicholas smiled, nodded, and turned to his path. With his pack over one shoulder, and a sparkling miniature evergreen resting against the other, he walked away.

Ebony meowed, and Agatha sighed. "Yes, yes. Chthon cares nothing for the bloodline of the family Nicholas is traveling to meet. It is Nicholas himself, his example of generosity, that will strengthen the Earth against Chthon's dark designs, and that which Chthon sought to extinguish." Ebony meowed again. "Because he would never have believed me if I had told him," Agatha answered the cat. "He is a humble man, only doing what he thinks is right for its own sake. Like all legends, he does not see himself as others will."

Ebony purred as Agatha scratched between her familiar's ears. She moved on through the forest, practically gliding, until she disappeared.

THE END

Author's Notes: The Agatha in this story is of course none other than Agatha Harkness, nanny of Franklin Richards and mentor of the Scarlet Witch. She was not always an old crone, and although exactly how old she is and how slowly she ages is up for some debate, some say she visited Atlantis before it sank beneath the waves. There are doubtless many undocumented adventures of her younger years; this one is now documented.

The historical figure Saint Nicholas, also known as Nicholas of Myra and Nicholas the Wonderworker, a bishop who was one of the inspirations for Santa Claus, lived in what is now Turkey between 270 and 350 CE. The Nicholas in this story inhabits a nearly timeless wooded land perhaps more characteristic of Europe than Asia Minor, and does not seem to be a bishop, but otherwise bears a great similarity to the religious icon.

The mists of time render impossible any certainty of a meeting between young Agatha Harkness and Saint Nicholas nearly two millennia ago, so the tale above must be considered apocryphal. (Which means issues such as "continuity" or "canon" are left up to the individual reader's interpretation.)

Merry Christmas, and may the gifts of the season and the evergreen hope of peace on Earth be yours.

DWG

"SILVER SEASON ECLIPSE”

Featuring the Silver Surfer!

Written by Bryan Locke

Little Jynauta hated this time of year. She hated the very refraction of the light through her compound eyes.

Whenever the flares and the auroras of Persephoenia’s twin supernovas so slightly started to change hue, Jynauta knew her fun was over. Of course, only little Jynauta’s attitude could turn so easily; it took a few months for the atmospheric hue to turn completely blue from red, and signal the arrival of the Bitterness. But Jynauta’s antennae had, at this point, become so attuned to the change in the barometric pressure of the atmosphere, her peers in the Learning Colony would all tease her.

“Oh! The Bitterness is coming a bit early this year, isn’t it?” Kzaklak would sneer--she could hear him now, right before he’d give her antennae a tug. “Little Jyn wants to spoil the celebration early this year?” Jynauta could always see that sneer when she thought of him. His segmented eyes always seemed a little beadier than the rest of her peers, his mouth a bit less narrow than what she would call cute.

But everyone else was a bit nicer about it. After all, Jynauta was hardly the only pupaling on Persephoenia’s surface to worry about the Bitterness. The storms, the snow, the avalanches, the temperature drop, the flooding, the meteor showers…there wasn’t a Kora who didn’t dread it just a little. Well, any sane Kora would dread it anyway. The drone workers under Persephoenia, working for the Queen in the caves, they probably didn’t care because they didn’t have to worry about it. But the merchant class, like Jynauta and her friends, were literally left out in the cold.

Jynauta figured that’s probably why everyone tried so hard to celebrate and stay merry--to keep up everyone’s spirits in the face of a stormy new year. Or was it just coincidence that all the best holidays happened at the exact same time of year?

Of course, if you asked anyone, the celebrations, the parades, the candies, the gift-exchanges, the luminescent wax and the chanting…that was all for the Surfer. But at this point in her life, Jynauta wasn’t really buying that anymore. All Jynauta cared about now was making it through the Bitterness. Each one could be her last, no matter what people thought of the Surfer.

“My father spent all season reinforcing the rafters and the buttresses of our comb.” Dheloriander, her best friend, had told her. “We won’t go legs-up this year!”

“That’s easy for you to say, Lori!” Jynauta replied, “Your family can afford northern soil for your comb.” She playfully shoved Dheloriander’s carapace with two of her spindly arms. “When you see me, caved in under my family’s comb, with only our legs sticking up through the snow, you’ll know where to put the grave markers!” Her tone was mocking, but deep inside, Jynauta wasn’t sure how much of her spirit was.

“Hush, Jyn!” Dheloriander squealed in her simple, high tone. Her wings were beginning to break through her carapace (as they did for all Kora at that age), and she looked over her shoulder at them, to make sure the cracks weren’t embarrassingly apparent. Then she looked back at Jynauta, and sighed. “You say that every year. If you keep thinking that, then its bound to happen!”

Jynauta stopped her trek. The distance from the Hiveland to the Learning Colony was not terribly far, and the pupalings were expected to be able scurry across the rocky terrain, hop from crevasse over crag, and arrive in time for first class. But Jynauta had come to her favorite point of the daily journey: the top of the rocky hill climbing toward the Colony. It overlooked all of the Hiveland.

Red, orange and indigo auroras pulsated across the sky like lightning flashes, and Jynauta could feel the segments of her legs growing a bit more rigid with the cold. (Unlike most of her friends, her wings had not begun to peek from under her carapace yet, so she didn’t have to worry about them.) The entire hive was clear to her from this point on the hill, even under the shallow brightness of the auroras. Combs connected to combs, on and on up into the foothills of the mountains--the Queen’s mountains. Each section of comb looked a bit different, as each Kora family decorated with luminescent, regurgitated wax of all colors to celebrate the Bitterness and Eclipse season.

But the closer Persephoenia drew to Eclipse Eve--tonight, rather--the more everything simply looked silver, even under the auroras. Shinier and shinier right until the Double Eclipse. The auroras, and the light trapped in the atmosphere--or something, Jynauta was still learning it this quarter at the Colony--made everything look a reflective silver during Eclipse Eve, until a little after the eclipse itself. She had learned to hate it.

Jynauta looked back at her comb, just in case. Just in case a flood swept it away. Just in case an avalanche buried it. Just in case a meteor struck it. Just in case it was the last time she would ever see it. Just in case the Silver Surfer was just a legend after all, and spring didn’t come and the Bitterness never ended.

Jynauta had actually thought for years that the Silver Surfer could be folklore or something like it. Other pupalings she talked to had thought the same things: that the Surfer was just something parents told their pupalings to make them behave throughout the year. She had never seen the man, even those years when she stayed up all night to see him. Supposedly, the Silver Surfer came by every year, tonight--the night of the Double Eclipse--and left a gift for the families of Persephoenia…but Jynauta had never seen him. She even left him kaleidoberry seeds, which every pupaling would tell you were the Silver Surfer’s favorite. (Jynauta had, however, always been suspicious that her father had eaten the seeds, due to the pink hue that would develop through his wings in the next few days--pink like the husk of kaleidoberry seeds!)

However, there was no denying the Silver Surfer always left the greatest gift of the year. One Jynauta was always thankful for, until the next time the Bitterness came around…

“Jyn! Come on! I’m not gonna be late because you were daydreaming and slipped on a crag!”

The temperature was already creeping to freezing levels by the time the pupalings had all bunched together at the entrance to the Learning Colony. It was tradition to gather in a bunch like this before school, in order to foster more of a “hive mentality”--which is what the teachers called it. Jynauta figured they’d learn more about it the older they got.

Every morning, the entrance tunnel of the Learning Colony was walled up with nectar. The teachers, of course, stressed a healthy breakfast, and while it was tedious, this was the best way to make sure the pupalings were eating right. Together, still in their swarm, the pupalings approached the nectar barrier, and proceeded to eat their way through it. Some had to cling to the rocky sides of the Colony’s stone walls, and those whose wings had blossomed even hovered gently above the grounded ones. But they all kept their Kora hive mentality; the only thing any of them could think about was getting through that nectar wall (though they were sure to keep some in their crop to be regurgitated for architecture class later in the day).

The nectar wall, today, had been flavored with the sweet spices of the gritangi root. It was that time of the year for gritangi seasonings, and for habbanasha sauce, and candied umbahs, and all those other things that tasted like the season. Jynauta did not voice her displeasure, indeed she devoured her meal along with the rest of the pupalings and did not notice the taste in the back of her throat until later, as she was settling into her first class, the hive mind exercise long completed.

“Settle! Settle!” Mister D’Rkenian, the traditions teacher, scraped his hind legs together as he said it. A shrieking noise, almost like a whistle, flew through the cavernous classroom. Immediately, the pupalings, always excitable when fresh from the hive mind, found their assigned mounds to sit. Jynauta had been sitting quietly for a while.

“Now, who can remind me where we left off yesterday?” Mister D’Rkenian brought his bit of translucent wax to the sticky, wide parchment board on the far wall of the class. Before he started writing, he waited for a response to his question. He held his hand to the parchment for a full ten seconds before turning and saying, “So no one remembers yesterday?” His segmented eyes, round and dark for his age, looked exasperatedly at his class. “I know we had quite a foul storm to work through last night before sleeping hours, but I hope none of you forgot about--”

“The Silver Surfer.” Jynauta said it. Everyone in class was thinking it; they just didn’t want to sound stupid, Jynauta knew. “We were studying the Silver Surfer.”

Mister D’Rkenian nodded his head, turning back to the parchment. “Correct, Miss Bizmazmaz. Do you remember anything a bit more specific than that?”

Jynauta shook her head. Again, not because she didn’t really know the answer. Everyone knew the answer. “I dunno. Today is Eclipse Eve, and he’s our savior in the sky who ushers out the cold winter and brings us the greens of spring. You know, same thing we’ve been taught our whole lives.”

She briefly gazed around the classroom, and saw that Kzaklak was apparently absent today. Good, since Jynauta really didn’t feel like dealing with some kind of smart-aleck comment from him. There was a brief feeling of slight relief, and Jynauta continued.

“I mean,” and she said it in a tone that never worked on her mother, “are we really supposed to believe that this one being--actually, we don’t even know what he is, but he’s able to fly around the entire planet in one night? Are we really supposed to believe that his return heralds the coming of spring? It’s the most ridiculous thing! I mean, come on! Think about it logically for a second!”

By this time, she knew that most of her classmates had tuned out. Indeed, she gazed over her shoulder and saw Dheloriander was catching up on her sleep. However, Mister D’Rkenian was smirking at her, with his segmented arms folded over his thorax.

Still smiling, he raised the wax went back to the parchment board, and explained, “You’re so young and naïve, Jyn. One day, when you’re older--” and he paused to say, “not as old as me! Don’t worry!” then he chuckled to himself before continuing, “But when you’re a little older, you’ll understand.”

“Why can’t I understand now?” Jynauta whined.

Mister D’Rkenian laughed out loud this time, but said, “Because I teach traditions. Mister Humclick is scheduled to start teaching you that next semester in science class. But…I suppose I can get into it best I can today for you, Jyn. Since you seem to be paying better attention than Miss Mumbinhrrm behind you!”

Dheloriander suddenly jerked her head up quickly. “I’m paying attention, sir! Traditions are important!”

Jynauta snorted. “Oh, shut up, Lori.”

But Mister D’Rkenian had already returned his full attention to the parchment, and drew a big circle with the wax in his segmented hand. “This is Persephoenea.” On either sides of those two circles he drew two other, slightly smaller circles. “Based on what the great scientist Koplaken proved about the universe just over two centuries ago, our planet revolves around one of two supernovas, which revolve around each other.”

Already Jynauta had questions about how all that was possible from a physical standpoint, but she knew enough to let her teacher continue when he got on a roll like this. Already he was starting to speak with a vocabulary that Jynauta couldn’t define. She figured that was probably why Mister D’Rkenian was not the science teacher.

“Now, at the end of every seasonal cycle, we pass through the orbit of an asteroid field,” and he drew several smaller circles in between two of the larger ones, “which is caught in orbit between the two supernovas as well. It’s the damaging effects on Persephoenia from these asteroids that cause the Bitterness. Some of these asteroids are as big as Persephoenia herself and can cause catastrophic--”

“But you’re saying that one being, who just decides to show up during the Double Eclipse every year, can in just one night get us through all of that---and we don’t even know what he looks like! All the pictures of him are just some neutral ghost-looking something!” Jynauta rolled her eyes.

“But not just one being!” Mister D’Rkenian said it, almost exploding with enthusiasm. He stuck his arms out far from his sides, smiling. “Think about what I just told you. Think about what I haven’t told you. Think about what you still have to learn from this universe around you, Jyn. Is it so hard to believe--to have faith in the Silver Surfer?” Mister D’Rkenian then drew on the parchment an even larger shape, but this one wasn’t a circle. It was a rectangle, and at the sides of the rectangle, Mister D’Rkenian drew crooked, segmented antennae jutting upward. “Current theory suggests that the Surfer’s just a harbinger of something greater than himself. That maybe he’s just the foreboding of something greater.”

He nodded at his own drawing, while Jynauta tilted her head to the side, wondering if that was the top or the bottom of what her teacher was talking about.

“Maybe there’s some omnipotent, galactic being watching over us and the Surfer. That’s the massive thing blocking the supernovas during the Double Eclipse. Maybe it…well, eats these planet sized asteroids--”

“Oh come on!” Jynauta cried, “It eats these planets?! Eats them! Like a nectar wall!”

“It’s true!” that wasn’t Jynauta. That was Rhadamanchaka, the (really) smart foreign exchange student from the other side of the Red Tundra. Jynauta wasn’t sure Rhadamanchaka’s country even celebrated the Bitterness Festivals like her country did. Did he even understand what the Silver Surfer was?

“In Vumhimkak, where I’m from,” Rhadamanchaka said, “we have these giant telescopes! They can magnify things thousands of times! And my uncle and aunt, they work at one of these telescope places, and they’ve seen it!”

“Seen what, Manny?” Jynauta asked.

Rhadamanchaka quieted down. “I…well, I don’t know. They don’t really know what they’re looking at…yet. But it’s some kind of huge thing that only shows up during the Bitterness! The Silver Searcher must be the one who brings it here!”

Silver Searcher? Jynauta had heard him referred to in that name by other cultures. “But how can you believe that when there’s no real proof? So you see a shadow through a really big telescope? Big deal.”

“But that’s why you come to Learning Colony, Jyn.” Mister D’Rkenian interjected. “You have to be instilled with the faith and the knowledge that will help turn you into the strong, productive Kora you’ll be one day. You have to have faith in the Surfer, Jyn, if you learn anything from traditions class. Enjoy the festivals and the parades and the good food! Spring is just around the corner. A new beginning! The Silver Surfer is coming to town! Tonight!”

Jynauta was not convinced. She was about to voice her protest, when she spied a Kora approaching from the narrow corridor that led out of Mister D’Rkenian’s class. It was Kzaklak. He looked terrible. His wings were folded unevenly, and he hunched, keeping his abdomen low. He wasn’t carrying his books or any of his school supplies. Jynauta’s stomach suddenly dropped as she thought of what might have happened to him.

“Zak!” Mister D’Rkenian called to Kzaklak. “You’d better have a good reason for being late.”

Indeed the only thing Kzaklak held was a small piece of parchment in his hand. He quickly gave it to Mister D’Rkenian, keeping his eyes down on the floor, as though he were ashamed of something. Jynauta couldn’t take her eyes off him. Mister D’Rkenian quickly read the note, his eyes growing wide and heavy as he did. The teacher gasped when he came to the end of it, and then grasped Kzaklak by the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Zak. By my aligned stars, I am so so sorry.” he said. Mister D’Rkenian looked up at the rest of the class, while folding the note and putting in an upper drawer of his desk. Addressing the class, “Last night’s storm was so fierce, it dropped twenty-seven inches of snow on the other side of Myrnchik Hill. This morning, an avalanche triggered from high atop the hill crushed at least four combs. One of those combs belongs to Zak’s family. His parents…were inside at the time.”

A collective gasp reverberated into an anxious hum from the pupalings. Still, Kzaklak made no real movement. Jynauta felt so bad for him, she wanted to cry.

“You know what this means, pupalings.” Mister D’Rkenian said solemnly. “You are dismissed from Colony to help with emergency actions on Myrnchik Hill. I’m sure they need all the help they can get at this point.” Then, looking toward Kzaklak again, he said, “Have faith, my boy. Your family is of strong Kora stock. Their exoskeletons can withstand this!”

Then, Mister D’Rkenian scraped his hind legs together again, and with that chirp, sent the pupalings on their way. It was a mass exodus from the Colony, with other pupalings from other classes leaving their appropriate, sculpted entranceways at the exact same time. Many flew, but most scurried.

Jynauta called, “Zak!” He had dashed out of there quite quickly, and Jynauta even lost Dheloriander while trying to catch up with him. She finally caught up to him just as he was about to start his flight.

“What, Jyn?” Kzaklak sighed. He let her get to his shoulder.

Now, all of a sudden, Jynauta didn’t know what to say. It happened at least once during the Bitterness every year--someone’s comb being crushed or demolished somehow. Usually everyone got out safely. But it had always happened to a friend of a friend of a friend, or someone like that. She just said, “Are you ok?”

Kzaklak laughed. “I slept over at Ymikelum’s comb last night, so I wasn’t even there when it happened. I’m flying back to the hospital now to see my brothers and sisters. They were all crushed somehow.” He bit his lip. “You know, it’s just like you always say, Jyn, if the Silver Surfer is real and he works for some nigh-omnipotent being in the sky, then how come he lets things like this happen? Especially during the Bitterness, when its supposed to be Eclipse season, the happiest season of the year? Whatever. You were right, Jyn.” He looked especially sad to admit that.

Jynauta didn’t say anything more, and let Kzaklak fly off. Dheloriander caught up with her a couple seconds later, just in time to see Kzaklak fade off into the distance.

“Oooh!” Dheloriander called. “Merry Eclipse, Zak! Happy New Year!”

Little Jynauta couldn’t sleep that night. She could never sleep on Eclipse Eve. But tonight especially. Jynauta hadn’t eaten a full portion of supper, since she had spent hours helping with the emergency digging operations over near Kzaklak’s comb. She wasn’t the only one; every Kora wanted to help when something like this happened. It could’ve happened to any one of them. Of course, if you asked anyone, the helping and the digging was all in the spirit of the season.

Jynauta felt so angry all of a sudden. And hungry. Her abdomen was aching from the hunger actually. She couldn’t believe she didn’t notice it before. Looking at the mechanical clock at her bedside, Jynauta knew her parents had already set out the presents around the inglenook, as was tradition. Hopefully, they wouldn’t hear her when she crept down the stairs to the kitchen…

They didn’t. Jynauta had made this trip before on nights like this, when her mind wouldn’t let her sleep. She decided on some water, and some of the kaleidoberry seeds if her father hadn’t eaten them all. She scuttled into the kitchen proper, and through there to the living room.

The inglenook still contained a blaze, with the gifts arranged in a half-circle around it. When the Surfer finally came--no, Jynauta corrected herself as she thought it--when the eclipse is finally over, the sudden change in atmospheric pressure was supposed to snuff out the flames of the hearth. (The leftover ashes could be read by seers to predict your luck throughout the next year) Meanwhile outside, Spring will have arrived.

Jynauta gazed happily at the size and number of her gifts (all in all, her parents were pretty good at buying her stuff) and then turned to the plate of kaleidoberry seeds.

They were all gone! Jynauta scoffed, and blinked. They were gone? Her dad never ate them all! But this time, he didn’t even save nary a one!

It suddenly grew dark in the living room. And cold. The inglenook was black. The fire was gone. The eclipse was over. It was a new season. It was a new year.

Jynauta saw something move in the shadows of the living room ahead of her. Her compound eyes could do well with the darkness, but there were some small bits of light from the auroras, through the blinds of the windows. No, there wasn’t anything…

Yes, there was! But Jynauta peered closer…whatever it was the light bent around it, and it was moving. It drew closer, and Jynauta froze. The light was not bending around it, but merely being reflected in the grooves of the thing. It shined a reflective silver so perfect Jynauta knew hadn’t ever seen any silver like it.

It stood very tall, on two legs. Two arms, on either side of its abdomen, with five fingers at the end of each to form hands. Blue sockets for eyes. In a way, Jynauta could only compare it to the flesh-backed, blue-eyed apes that roamed the far countryside, west of Myrnchik Hill. His face was even shaped in that manner. It cocked its head at Jynauta, and still he looked like liquid silver moving in a rhythm across the living room toward her. She gasped, and tripped backward.

Jynauta was trying not to believe what she was seeing. Was this really him? He was even carrying a surfboard, though it was much thinner and sleeker than the ones Jynauta had watched the Kora surfers ride at B’Lee Beach.

No, this had to be a dream. She was bound to wake up at any minute…

But the Surfer reached toward her, with his strange hand, and grasped Jynauta’s own. In that instant that the Surfer touched her, and pulled her to her feet from where she lay rocking on her carapace, her hunger intensified. She saw stars and darkness and planets and asteroids, she saw the devastation on Myrnchak Hill, and the hopelessness spawning there. Nothing but a ravenous hunger she felt toward all of it.

And, suddenly, it was Spring. And the hunger was gone.

The Silver Surfer kept her hand, however, and upturned it, exposing her palm. With his other hand, he dropped a tiny thing into it. A kaleidoberry seed. Then, smiling, the Surfer let her go.

With a smooth voice he whispered, “You poor creatures.”

Then, from his hands and his eyes and his mouth, there grew a blue light, a flash with no sound. The surfboard moved as fluidly as the Surfer did, gliding under its master’s feet. The flash grew much too bright for Jynauta to see anything more, but she knew the Surfer was leaving.

Jynauta awoke. Then she leaned back in her bed. It was just a dream after all…Jynauta sighed. Make believe, just like this whole holiday--but Jynauta held something in her hand. Had she held onto it the entire night? Opening her fist, Jynauta found a cracked kaleidoberry seed. What…?

“Jyn!” That was her mother’s voice.

Jynauta rocked a bit so she could get back on her feet, sure to hold onto the kaleidoberry seed, and then replied, “Yeah, mom?”

“Your friend’s here!”

“Friend?” Jynauta whispered to herself. “On Eclipse morning?”

“Jyn!” Dheloriander burst through the curtain that shielded Jynauta’s aperture from the rest of the comb.

“Oof!” Jynauta braced herself as Lori jumped on her, forcing them both back against her bed. “Lori! I thought I was going over to your comb later for--”

“You’re not gonna believe it, Jyn!” Lori screamed, though she was right in Jynauta’s face. “It’s about Zak!”

Jynauta gulped. “What do you mean? Did they get through to his parents?”

Lori laughed, “It’s an Eclipse miracle! The Silver Surfer saved them! Early this morning, when the eclipse had finally ended, Zak told me they saw him! He was so fast but they saw a bright light and the snow was gone! And then the Surfer was gone too! Zak swears it was him!”

Jynauta gulped again. She could only stare blankly, still, at Dheloriander. Her dream…when the Surfer had touched her…did he know? Was it really an Eclipse miracle? She looked back down at the kaleidoberry seed in her hand.

Lori nudged her. “Jyn?”

Jynauta smiled wide, and wrapped Lori tightly and suddenly into a hug. “That’s wonderful, Lori! I knew everything was going to be okay in the end! No matter what! Happy Eclipse, Lori!”

Lori laughed and hugged her back. “Happy Eclipse, Jyn! Now, I don’t mind telling you, that news was just an excuse for me come over and try some of your mom’s awesome riktaken pudding!”

Jynauta cringed, but then shrugged. “Maybe its time I gave it a second try, too. I’ll race you through the crawl space!”

They laughed all the way through. While outside, the skies of Persephonea were a clear blue once more. The twin supernovas shined high in the sky and were making short work of the remaining snow on the ground. It was a remarkable transformation, and Jynauta didn’t have to look out the window to know it was happening. She could feel it with her antennae.

Spring was here. A new year. Comfort and security from the unknown Bitterness. This was the Surfer’s gift. The best gift of the season. No matter what, Jynauta was always grateful for that.

THE END

"WHEN CHRISTMAS 'TOONS ATTACK"

Featuring Deadpool!

Written by Patrick Moore

Authors Note: This story takes place before The Magneto War story-arc.

It was snowing on a week before Christmas as I sat in my office, that’s about to be condemned if I didn’t get any clients soon. I’m a detective. My name is Howard, Howard the Duck.

I took a fresh cigar from a box, and lit it between my beak lips, as my girl Friday, Beverly Switzer, entered my office with a mysterious woman, who had white hair and dressed in red.

“Ducky, this is our new client,” said Bev. “This is Gretchen Claus, she wants us to find her husband, Nicolas.”

“You’re a duck,” Gretchen said in puzzlement to me.

“Well I’m not Daffy, Donald, Darkwing, Duckman, or Super Duck, toots,” I said back to her. “What’s seems to be the trouble?”

“My husband has been kidnapped by…the Grinch,” she spoke, as I gave a little chuckle at what she just said.

“The Grinch?” I said back. “The character from the Dr. Seuss book?”

“The same,” Gretchen replied. “He and the Peanuts gang have kidnapped San…I mean Nicolas. If I don’t give them their demands by Christmas, they’ll get some guy named Lobo to beat the living hell out of him. You got to help me, Howard.”

“I’ll do anything to save Christmas,” I said, as I was about to break the 4th wall. “Besides, this fan fiction wouldn’t have a happy holiday ending.”

“Hey! I do the 4th wall jokes around here, duck breath!” Deadpool entered. “Besides, I already did a Mrs. Claus story a few years ago. Remember?”

“This story takes place before the Magneto War storyline, dingus!” I snapped back at the Merc with a Mouth.

“Well excuse me, Princess,” Deadpool impersonated a certain video game character from a popular franchise, that was turned into a horrid animated series.

“If the Angry Video Game Nerd was here, he’ll kick your ass, like he did Bugs Bunny and the Joker,” I said. “Now….GET OUT OF MY STORY!!!”

“Come on, Ducky, let me tag along,” Deadpool said, as he gave me the puppy dog sad look.

“That may work on Kim Possible and Shrek 2, but not me,” I said back.

“Think of it as a team-up,” Deadpool replied. “Maybe, we might get a Tookie for this.”

I sighed. “Fine, you can come. But if you kill anyone in this story, I’ll have Dave and Cory move you to JLU 2001 or worse.”

“What’s the worse?” DP asked.

“Ryan Reynolds will play you in the future Wolverine movie,” I smirked.

Deadpool just shuttered in fear.

The two of us walked in the snowy streets of Cleveland looking for this Nicolas guy, and save Christmas for the little hairless ape brats who wanted Punisher action figures, and Family Guy merchandise.

“Are we there yet?” Deadpool asked me for the eleventh time. “I need to go to the potty.”

“Then do it in that alley,” I said to him.

“I don’t like that alley,” he replied.

“And why not?” I asked.

“That,” DP pointed to three mutant chipmunks, with rabid looks on their faces in the alley.

“What the hell are you staring at, you Spider-Man reject?” said the mutant chipmunk with a large yellow A on his red shirt.

“You guys look familiar,” I said. “I just can’t get it right now.”

“Maybe the Grinch can get you two a job, after he gets rid of San…” said a fat mutant chipmunk with a green shirt, as another mutant chipmunk with a blue shirt and Daria Morgendorffer style glasses, elbowed the fat one in the ribs to shut up.

“Shut up, Theodore,” said the blue shirt one.

“I knew it,” I said, as I attacked the blue shirt one. “You three are working for the Grinch!”

“Nice going, blabbermouth,” said the red shirt one at the green shirt one, as he turned back to me and Deadpool. “That’s right, bird brain. We are working for the Grinch. He’s got big plans for Santa, after he takes over Christmas.”

“So, Santa’s been kidnapped?” spoke a puzzled Deadpool.

“Uh, Duh,” I was going to do a Drawn Together reference, but this story is set before the series aired.

“Stop doing my 4th wall jokes, Duck,” DP spoke.

I ignored his, as I kicked Alvin…I mean the chipmunk in the red shirt in the privates, trying to get him to tell me where Santa is. “Okay, furballs, tell me where Santa is, or I’ll have Deadpool here sing the Chipmunk Song in D flat!”

“And I will too,” he smirked.

After Alvin…I mean the mutant chipmunks squealed for mercy, after Deadpool ranted about how crappy Ernest Saves Christmas was than Jingle All the Way, the two of us went to an abandoned night club called Kringles. There we found Santa bound and ball gagged in a chair, as the Peanuts gang tortured him by doing that stupid Christmas dance they do every year.

“No sign of the Grinch,” I said. “Let’s kick some blockhead butt.”

“Lucy’s mine,” said Deadpool. “She’s going to pay for breaking Charlie Brown’s back every time she moves that football.”

As we was about to save the day, the Grinch entered wearing his Santa outfit, and was beating the living hell out of the Peanuts gang with a metal bat. We knew we had to…

“Wait a minute, Howard,” Dave Golightly said to Howard. “I know you’re still angry at how George Lucas portrayed you in that turkey of a movie he did, but what’s with these references to classic Christmas specials? Why Deadpool?”

“He had the idea to add him into this story,” replied Howard. “Every Christmas story has got to have a comedic foil.”

“The Grinch killing the Peanuts kids?” replied Dave. “This is suppose to be a nice Christmas story, not a episode of South Park. And the ending with Cory as the Grinch in a costume? I think he’s tired of being killed off again and again.”

“He goes to jail for kidnapping Santa,” Howard said back.

“I’m sorry, Howard,” Dave sighed. “We here at Marvel 2000 don’t want a MAX Christmas story in our Holiday Special.”

“What about the Punisher?” Howard said. “He kicks and kills butt on the holidays in his Christmas stories.”

Dave sighs again. “You did your best. Try Curt Fernlund at JLU 2001, maybe he need writers.”

Howard the Duck left Dave’s office in disgust.

As Howard went to tell Beverly the bad news, a chubby elderly man walked to Howard and smiled at him. The man had a twinkle in his eye, red cheeks, and a loud laugh.

“I kind of liked your story, Howard, but that will never do for a Christmas tale,” said the man.

“How did you know my name?” Howard asked the man, but he was gone. “Could it be?”

Howard just sighed, as he shook his head with a smirk. “Na.”

THE END

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM EVERYBODY AT MARVEL 2000!

SEE YOU ALL NEXT YEAR!

MARVEL 2000 PRESENTS...

Outer Rings of Dentar III

Hours Earlier

Now

THE END