Archangel, Psylocke, Diode, Pyro, Maggott, Xorn, and Sabretooth felt their entire being twisted and contorted until suddenly...everything was normal again. They landed hard on what appeared to be concrete. Sabretooth was the first to get up.

"Man, we didn't even put up a fight...," he muttered as he leaned his head from side to side, cracking his neck. The rest of the official X-Corp members slowly got to their feet.

"Glad that's over with," Archangel sighed.

"Wait, something's wrong," Psylocke said as she gazed upon the environment. It was a city, a mega-metropolis, with thousands of different people who walked the streets and sidewalks. "We were supposed to go to northern California, I thought?"

"No, Betsy, we're takin' a vacation to the best city in the world," Pyro snickered. He lit up a cigarette, "Welcome to Warptopia!"

"Good," Archangel said blindly, "I could use the time off. Paid hotel accommodations for everybody!"

"Ag, good times!" Maggott hooted as his two slugs slithered out from inside his gullet and plopped onto the ground. They began to shrill and crawl around independently, toppling over trash bins and eating its contents. Archangel flapped his wings and carried himself into the loop of the massive city. Pyro and Sabretooth giddily skipped down the sidewalk into the local bar. Maggott was close behind them.

"Waitferme!" he yelled. He looked back to call for Eany and Meany, but simply muttered, "Ah, feck it," and continued on his way until he disappeared into the crowd.

Xorn and Diode, however, remained with Psylocke, who appeared to be somewhat weirded out.

"I believe this is not what it seems," Xorn said. "My brain is beyond telepathic communication and manipulation...so I think I may be immune to this fascade."

"I don't know about you...but I feel like I'm in-between dreaming and being awake," Diode said as a small stream of electricity traveled up from behind her ears to her forehead.

Psylocke nodded, "It's Warp Savant. He's...distorted our reality somehow...no...we're actually inside of his mind! Physically. It's some sort of psychomorphic pocket dimension."

"Perhaps Diode is immune to the effects of this place upon her mind because of her natural telepathic shielding, as well as the fact Savant is her sibling?" Xorn asked. "Mutant siblings are immune to each other's abilities, right?"

"It...hasn't been proven, but there are a few cases like that, yes," Psylocke said.

"Man, I still can't believe it's Raul," Diode said as she sat down on a park bench nearby. "I mean, my only living brother...how am I supposed to fight him?"

"Maybe you don't have to...," Psylocke said. "You just need to distract him. I'm guessing he has to be around here somewhere, keeping this illusionary reality warp active inside of his mind."

"How am I supposed to distract him?" Diode asked. "Strip down naked and make him feel awkward?"

"What if...no," Xorn said, shooting down his opinion.

"No, what is it, Xorn?" Psylocke asked.

"What if I somehow...reversed the internal fusion process of my brain...and created a black hole?" he asked. "It would just be temporary, just to disrupt the flow of this reality."

"Are you sure that's safe?" Diode asked.

Xorn nodded briefly, "I can see that this pocket dimension is made up primarily of radio waves...if I could just produce a similar counterwave by creating a black hole...it could either release us or kill us all."

"Um...Xorn...heh, fifty percent chance of success isn't considered safe on our planet," Diode chuckled.

"Diode's right," Psylocke said. She pondered to herself, "We need another plan. We need the others...but I can't get through to them...there are too many people's minds to sort through...my rapport is muddled."

"So, we're screwed anally and sideways? Sideways anally?" Diode asked. "Side-anal...er...you know what I mean. In the butthole with a cactus. There, that's better."

"Until I sense loss of concentration in your brother...I think we may be stuck here," Psylocke said regretfully. "For a long time."

"In the butt with an articoke," Diode sighed.

Manhattan.
X-Corp Offices.

Warp Savant, who wore a black leather goth ensemble, sat impatiently at the head of the conference table, in the seat usually occupied by Archangel. With him were Vargas and the four mercenaries that were hired to subdue X-Corp: the enigmatic Darkblaster, the stoic Lumina, the wicked Redhawk, and the murderous Razoar.

Warp got out of his chair and sighed, "Man...New York kinda sucks. I mean...it's totally crowded full of these supergeeks."

"Er...what do you mean?" Darkblaster asked as he polished his specially-made gun with a shammy cloth.

"You know...," Warp said as he gestured towards the window. He looked out and pointed, "See! See?! Look at that!"

Darkblaster looked out the window, "Yeah, that's Spider-Man. So?"

Warp looked back at Darkblaster, "Just wait."

Darkblaster waited and watched as a man made of flames and three others, one of them with rocky orange skin, floated by...apparently by some sort of invisible construct.

"It's the Fantastic Four, Mr. Savant," Lumina said in her creepy, child-like voice. "It's New York, after all."

Warp smiled and shook his head, "Waaait..."

Thunder and lightning crackled as Thor, Photon, and Crystal whooshed past. They were soon followed by Jack of Hearts and Quasar...with Black Knight and Scarlet Witch following in the Quinjet.

"Is there a convention of superheroes today or something?" Razoar asked as he picked his teeth with his pinkie claw.

"Don't you see? Staying here...it's making me uneasy," Warp said as he plopped back into the chair.

Vargas walked up to the window and growled, "Savant...the reason the heroes are converging around here is because they're attacking a..."

Spider-Man swung valiently and thrust his feet forward, only to be slapped across three blocks by a massive girth. The Thing yelled something about clobbering, but instead, himself was clobbered. The Fantastic Four and Avengers leapt into battle, but still, couldn't outmatch the massive fifty-foot tall...

"...dildo?!" Vargas exclaimed.

Warp smiled, "Oh, yeah. That was me. Heh. I'm trying to prove a point, here. Now that I have control of X-Corp--"

"Actually, all you did was mind-control the employees into thinking you were in control," Redhawk sneered.

"No, I just tweaked a few memories here and there...I mean, come on," Warp explained. "I do, however, have control of the Jigoku. I have Braddock imprisoned indefinitely up here," he said as he pointed to his temple. "I'm doing X-Corp a favor by merging the finances of the Jigoku's legitamate face with them...er...doing us a favor. Well, we're X-Corp now. You know what I mean..."

"Anyway," Warp continued, "as I was saying, now that we have control of X-Corp and tons and tons of money at our disposal...I think it's safe to say we should get the fuck out of here. I don't know how much longer I can cloud the minds of the heroes."

"So...you're just gonna presto-chango move the whole building somewhere else?" Darkblaster asked with skepticism.

"Where?" Vargas asked as he glanced at Warp as he continued to observe the heroes as they fought a mere whim of Savant's imagination.

"Well, there's a group of Avengers in LA...but I think we can squeak past their radar somewhere nearby," Warp said offhandedly with a grin.

"Damnit, where?!" Vargas shouted.

"San Diego...," Warp said finally. He was expecting some sort of celebration, but his companions offered none.

"...why?" Darkblaster asked with disgust. "Have you been to San Diego? It's..."

"The last place anyone will look, I know," Warp said.

"Won't people realize an entire building appearing in their city?" Vargas asked.

"By anyone, I meant heroes," Warp said, "San Diego doesn't have any. We'll have it all to ourselves without anybody bothering us."

"But that still begs the question...," Vargas began, "how are you just going to transport a skyscraper crosscountry to a full-sized city?"

"Equal mass displacement, you big oaf," Warp muttered. "I'm gonna switch buildings with one that has our same foundation dimensions. One from there will end up here and we'll fill the gap. No one will care."

Vargas shook his head, "I sure hope you know what you're doing."

"Hey, as far as I'm concerned, you're no longer obligated to follow my orders," Warp said. "You don't like it...take a hike...through the woods, preferably."

"Technically, I am. You command the Jigoku," Vargas said.

"Then I command you to not take my commands..." Warp said, unsure if it made sense.

Vargas crossed his arms, "Just do it..."

Warp smiled, "I thought you'd never ask."

And with that, the entire X-Corp building flashed and dematerialized...only to be replaced seconds later with a gas station. A Mexican man in a neon pink tank top and white shorts hobbled outside, "What da hell...?"

Psylocke sat in the lotus position and began to telepathically delve into the mind of Warp Savant, which made up the entire "Warptopia" existence.

Diode impatiently yelled, "Did you find anything yet?"

Psylocke opened her eyes, "Just wait."

Betsy concentrated again until she felt something strange. She opened her eyes, but Diode and Xorn were not there; they were replaced by a strange shade of gray. It was one of her precog visions. In it, it seemed as if billions of flashes of light were going off at once. Psylocke screamed and clawed her fingers through the air, but they connected with nothingness.

Psylocke awoke from her vision in a new fashion. She sported a black ninja outfit. She had subconsciously warped her own reality. In her nightmarish vision, Psylocke reached deep down and pulled something stronger out of her...her true self. That of a warrior.

"You can warp this place?" Diode asked. "With your telepathy?"

"Apparently so," Psylocke said with confidence. She held out her hand and her psychic blade became a real katana. She twirled it around with more grace and skill than ever before. With a thought, the Japanese sword vanished. Psylocke smirked as she performed a near-flawless roundhouse kick into the face of an imaginary opponent. Xorn and Diode silently applauded Psylocke's regained skills.

"What are we going to do about Diode's brother?" Xorn asked.

"Yeah, and can we go all Crouching Tiger, too?" Diode chimed in.

"Your powers still work in this place...and since your minds are immune to the post hypnotic suggestion of being in Warptopia, you should be able to warp this place as you see fit," Psylocke explained.

"Like The Matrix?" Diode asked.

"What is the matrix?" Xorn asked.

Diode simply giggled. Psylocke looked and Roni and glared, "Don't even--"

But Diode continued, anyway, "The matrix...is a fabricated dream world built by the machines." Her voice changed its pitch and became much lower, "Built to control you, Xorneo. To turn you into...a Duracell battery."

"By the light...," Xorn swore.

Psylocke grabbed Xorn by the arm as she dragged him into the crowd of Warptopia citizens, "Come on, she's only kidding, Xorn."

"You have to save them, Xorneo! You are the One!" Diode shouted mockingly as she caught up with Xorn and Psylocke.

"I shall!" Xorn responded. He turned around and held out his arms, shouting, "I will free you, I swear it!"

Psylocke uttered a disgusted sigh, "I don't believe it...a new X-Man with a maturity level lower than Jubilee's!"

"What?" Xorn asked.

"I meant Diode," Psylocke said.

"But we are still to save these people?" Xorn asked.

"Yes, but--"

"We have to see the oracle, first, Xorneo--"

"Will you shut up?!" Betsy shouted. She regained her composure. She briefly led the X-Men when they had taken up shop in the Australian Outback the first time. Hopefully she wouldn't have to lead them into another Siege Perilous to get them out of Savant's mind. "We have to find the others and subdue them long enough so that I can maybe shock them back to reality," she explained.

"Sounds like a plan," Diode said with a nod. She suddenly lost enthusiasm, "Wait...aren't we like...the newbies? The other X-Men'll kick our asses."

"Yes, this also troubles me," Xorn said.

"We end up fighting our own teammates at one point or another, so you might as well start now," Psylocke said.

"Wait, you still didn't tell me what you're gonna do to my brother once we get outta here," Diode said.

Psylocke paused, "I'll probably stun him. It will only hurt for a second."

"That sounds nice enough," Xorn agreed.

"Damn," Diode said as her eyes became completely white, "because if I woulda known he was a mutant with the power to suck things into his mind a couple years ago...I wouldn't have wasted all that money on search parties."

"Search parties...?" Psylocke asked.

"My dad went missing a few years ago," Diode explained. "But his bank accounts were drained, all of his posessions sold. I think my brother sucked my dad in here and used his assets."

"Now he is focusing on more wealthy victims," Xorn deduced.

"Namely, Warren and...me," Psylocke concluded.

"Now he's got X-Corp and the Jigoku," Diode said as she clenched her fists. "So tell me again what you're doin' to that son of a bitch when we get outta here?"

San Diego.

Police choppers and cars down below on the street level have responded to the distress call of the X-Corp building magically appearing in the place of José's Kwik Trip. Vargas stood behind the window of the top floor and glared out the window with his intense stone cold features. The ramblings of the employees were heard in the halls as the apprehension of being molecularly reassembled on the opposite coast of where they lived.

Warp simply laughed as his eyes began to glow with green energy. He was still controling the gigantic sex toy that was attacking New York from nearly a continent away.

"I'm getting really sick of this...," Darkblaster muttered. He walked up to Savant and demanded, "We want our money."

Warp laughed, "I want my money, too. You'd be surprised how utterly pointless the whole concept of money is. I mean...it's all a bunch of numbers in a computer system. Money is the work of the human-devil, y'know."

Darkblaster sighed and unstrapped his holster, which housed his gun, "We all aren't your progressive mutant thinkers, damn it! We wanna fuckin' get paid! You think these goddamn costumes and gimmicks are cheap?!"

"Darblaster, no!" Redhawk yelled.

"Christ, I need a beer...," Razoar muttered as he reverted back into his human form from his wolf self. "This drama is all too...well, shall I say...pointless?"

Lumina silently hovered above the floor as her bleach-skinned body glowed. She tilted her head to the side and uttered in her soft-spoken voice, "This partnership has ended, Savant..."

"Don't do it!" Redhawk exclaimed as he turned towards his teammates and flailed his arms in the air. Suddenly, a huge, black blade shot through through Redhawk's chest. He fell to the floor with a thud as Vargas stood behind him, his heart torn from his body and skewered on Vargas' sword.

Redhawk's three teammates simply glared at Vargas and then at Savant. Razoar attempted to fell Vargas, but the black sword instantly morphed into a scythe and separated the neck from the rest of the lycanthrope. Vargas grimaced and shot a shadow bow and arrow into the neck of Lumina. Only Darkblaster remained.

"You little fuck...," Darkblaster muttered.

Vargas smirked, as he took aim with his arrow, "Any last cynical words, you gun-toting cowboy?"

Vargas released the arrow and felt the bow snap against his forearm. The arrow traveled at blinding speed, but suddenly there was a loud bang and the arrow deflected off to the right, sticking into a wall, where it would disappear. Darkblaster stood with his right arm raised, his gun's barrel still smoking.

Darkblaster held out his gun as his eyes glowed green, mimicing Warp's powers, "Take a siesta!" He pulled the trigger of his gun, pointing downwards, but the ability to warp reality meant he could alter the bullet's trajectory. The bullet traveled clean through Vargas' skull. Vargas unconsciously fell backwards as his body mysteriously dispirsed into the shadows.

"Hmm...," Warp grunted. "My powers don't work on you."

Darkblaster pointed his gun at Savant's head, "I want my fucking money. Including my partners' shares!"

Warp sighed as a briefcase instantaneously appeared on the conference table, "Open it. It's all there, count it."

Darkblaster shot the latches open and lifted the hatch open, revealing a bunch of currency with Magneto's face on it, "You gave me fucking Genosha shit-dollars?!"

Warp laughed, "Reading the fine print helps."

"Read this..."

*BLAM*

Warptopia Topless Bar.

"Who woulda thought they'd be here?" Diode joked as she fired random bolts at Archangel, who easily dodged the attacks.

Psylocke shouted, "Kai-ya!" as she leapt into the fray. She flipped and landed her fist into the jaw of Pyro and her foot into the crotch of Maggott.

"My future children...you wench...," Maggott urked.

Eany and Meany snuck up behind Psylocke, but Xorn took them out "gently" with a burst of heat from his "eyes."

"It appears your brother's suggestion has clouded their thinking," Xorn said.

"Yeah right...," Psylocke said sarcastically as she heard a growling behind her. She looked to her side and smiled, "Sabretooth?"

"Yeah?" Victor smiled.

"You know you're not fooling me, right?" Betsy asked.

"...yeah," he responded.

"Good," Psylocke said as she plunged her psychic knife into Sabretooth's forehead. He struggled, but Psylocke grabbed the back of his neck with her left arm and powered on through. "This might not hurt you anymore...but you can still feel it!"

Sabretooth backed up slowly and grabbed his face, which actually smoldered, "Jeez..."

Diode concentrated and in using the physical distortion of this reality, caused the electrons of air molecules which created lift for Archangel's wings to disperse. Warren fell to the stage area of the topless bar. Psylocke leapt up to the stage and briefly plunged her psychic knife into her fiance's forehead.

Xorn magnetically held up Maggott and Pyro, "So, how has your day been going, fellows?"

"Stick a sock in it, fecker!" Pyro shouted.

"...I got kicked in the balls, you?" Maggott responded. "Speaking of which...can you heal them or something?"

"You're a good friend, Maggott, however I don't think touching your testicles would be beneficial for either of us," Xorn responded.

Psylocke leapt and drove her psychic knife into Pyro and Maggott before Xorn lowered them safely to the ground.

"Now what?" Diode asked. Suddenly, the topless bar began to fade away. The X-Men and Sabretooth were suddenly outside. The sky began to change from blue to gray, to pitch black.

Archangel slowly rose to his feet, followed by the others who felt the totality of Psylocke's telepathy. Archangel muttered, "Betsy...?"

"It's alright, Warren," Betsy said as she helped him up. He appeared shocked at her appearance. "Um...I'll explain later, luv."

Xorn's eyes lit up, which was the only source of light to be provided, "There appears to be a mental fluctuation..."

"What?!" Diode shouted as the surface of Warptopia faded away, leaving nothing but empty space. The X-Men and other "citizens" of Warptopia began to float aimlessly.

"Your brother's thought process is powering down!" Psylocke shouted. "Almost as if...he's being distracted!"

"What the hell?!" Savant shouted as the body of Darkblaster fell flat on the conference table in front of him.

Joseph held the gun in his hand and smiled, "So you're the one?"

"But...you were in the hospital!" Savant shouted.

"Yes, I was," Joseph said as literally thousands of tacks and paperclips floated in the air around him. "But I just happened to be in the building today...right when you decided to uproot it and transplant it here. I'm not even a Chargers fan."

"But...you're supposed to be paralyzed!" Savant stuttered.

"Magnetic filament in my leg. It's never worked better," Joseph said as he inched closer and closer with the gun. The barrel was up against Savant's temple, "Let them out, or I pull the trigger. Either way, they're safe. I've got a read on the pocket dimension's frequency, I can hold onto them as you die."

"You're lying...!" Savant exclaimed.

Joseph smiled, "You know what? I never realized why I was at the top of your hitlist until now. Your pocket dimension is nothing more than radio waves...and electromagnetism is my paintbrush."

"ARGH!!" Warp shouted as he fell to the ground as he gripped his skull.

"Hm. Guess you draw from that dimension to warp this reality?" Joseph asked. "Alright. Time to paint a new canvas..."

Diode awoke to see her teammates safely lying on the floor of the X-Corp office. Joseph hovered motionlessly as he looked out the window of the New York cityscape. The dildo was gone. The heroes returned to their corners to regroup. There was a new interdimensional threat that was beginning. Joseph had tweaked Warp's powers in a way to return everything back to normal, somewhat. He couldn't free everyone from Warptopia, however.

"Joe?" Diode asked. She ran up and hugged him, "You got us out, ol' buddy?"

Joseph sighed, "For the most part. I killed him."

"...what?" Diode gasped. "Not...Warp? He's my brother!"

"No...the guy with the gun. He was going to kill Warp, but I stopped him. Your brother's safe," Joe said. "In a manner of speaking. I cut him off from his pocket dimension. I don't think he'll be hurting people while in the Vault."

"Oh...wow," Diode said. "Okay. Well, I guess you really took care of things, huh?"

"Well, no. The Seraphim is still sitting out there in northern California," Joseph said.

"Oh. What about the other people inside that pocket dimension?" Diode asked.

Joseph paused for a moment. He noticed the other X-Men were regaining consciousness, "I couldn't save all of them."

Diode meekly said, "Oh..." She suspected her father might have been imprisoned in her brother's pocket dimension. Now she'll have to move on or find another way to get him out...if he's even alive.

"...ungh...," Archangel grumbled as he and Psylocke got to their feet. "Wait...where's Sabretooth?"

"I...dropped him off," Joseph said off-handedly. Xorn, Pyro, and Maggott each got to their feet, as well.

"And what the hell are you doing out of the hospital?" Archangel asked Joseph.

Joseph turned around and said, "I think we've got more pressing matters to attend to."

Archangel looked at the office doors and watched as they literally burst open. Dozens of flashes blared. Psylocke flinched and suddenly realized her vision came true. What did it mean?

The blinding lights cleared as news reporters with their respective crews began to storm the office. Microphones were shoved into the faces of the X-Men.

"How does it feel to save the city...?"

"Do you support gay marriages...?"

"What are your views on the economy...?"

"Recent polls show your approval rating rivaling that of the Avengers and Fantastic Four combined, your thoughts...?"

"Have you received any accomodations from the mayor of New York City...?"

"Have any of you considered running for governor of California...?"

"Michael Bay is interested in making a movie based on this event entitled, Warped Corp: The Giant Dildo Movie. Any comments...?"

"Was Princess Di a mutant...?"

Archangel looked around and suddenly realized they were the ones who actually saved New York from Warp Savant's giant dildo...in some small way. Apparently, defeating malignant sex toys garners more attention than usual.

Archangel smiled for the cameras. The other X-Men couldn't help but comply as they conversed with the reporters and their cameras broadcasted them live around the world.

London.

"Joseph, you prick," Sabretooth muttered to himself as he began to walk the puddled streets of downtown London. The Thames' scent caused Victor's nose to scrunch up. A neon sign caught his attention from three blocks away. Creed thought he could use the drink, so he walked over to the sign. When he was close enough, he realized it was the classic Hellfire Club.

"Hm...why not?" Sabretooth said as he entered. He brushed past Prince William. The Hellfire Club was reserved for the world's elite, after all.

"Watch it!" he yelled.

Sabretooth flashed his teeth, "Grrrr."

"...nevermind," William said as he scurried off with his bodyguards.

"Heh...I'll feel right at home here," Sabretooth cackled as he ventured towards the exclusive room of the Inner Circle.

Tokyo, the next day.

<"So that's it, people,"> Psylocke said in Japanese as she sat at the head of a large table with dozens of Jigoku officials. She wore a black business suit and skirt. Standing behind her were Archangel, Diode, and Xorn, three people she came to trust a lot during the past few days. They were telepathically being made to look like flies that buzzed around. Psylocke herself manipulated the minds of the Jigoku to make herself look like Kwannon.

<"You want us...to run ourselves?"> a bald Asian man asked. <"You're suggesting we break tradition?">

<"As opposed to taking on a female leader?"> Psylocke nodded and bowed, <"In the name of Lord Nyorin, I pass the torch of power to you men, the top cats of this organization. I am also using my connections with X-Corp to unmerge our two organizations. There was a coup staged of sorts, but we've dealt with it.">

The various crimelords nodded in agreement.

Psylocke continued as a psionic butterfly appeared over her forehead, <"One last favor. All I ask is that you dissolve all criminal activity and donate your financial resources to charity. And tell your street level gang members to lead good lives from now on...lest I come back and turn you all in myself.">

The Jigoku seemed to gloss over and bowed in response to the statement. With that, they all got up and left. Psylocke rose to her feet as well as her telepathic illusion dropped.

"Is it done?" Archangel asked.

Psylocke nodded.

"I do not like this idea of lying...," Xorn said.

"We haven't done anything wrong. Savant transfered the money into our accounts, not us. We're just fixing the mistake," Archangel said.

"Without telling the world what happened? They would understand and sympathize with us," Xorn suggested. "We have the world's trust! Why are you playing with fate?"

"Xorn, don't," Diode said calmly. "Let's just go home, we don't want trouble." Archangel took flight back towards the Seraphim, which was cloaked outside and hovered above a dock. Psylocke followed him. Diode walked off as well, leaving Xorn to ponder his stance with X-Corp. They weren't the X-Men anymore, but something else, it seemed. Xorn just didn't want to see his friends spiral downward anymore than they already have...

THE END?